Caught in the Middle

Chapter 26

Carina doesn't get too hot. She never has, and if she became a little uncomfortable due to the heat, she'd ask me to turn the AC down even more. But since the day we started sleeping together all those years ago, we've only ever fell asleep, not in each other's arms, when she was mad. I tried to make light of it, cracking a joke about it being my lover calling for a booty call, which led to her throwing a pillow in my face and leaving her bed to go lie on the couch.

After a few minutes, I realized that my joke was ill-timed and that my wife clearly doesn't trust me as much as I do her. Which I can't fault her for feeling, seeing how I was the one to cheat on her. I joined her on the couch with my hat in my hand, begging her to please come back to bed. I ended up telling her that the call related to the classified case I worked on a few weeks ago and when she asked me about it, I had to tell her that it was safer if she didn't know. We could both get arrested if it ever came out that I opened my mouth about the information that was shared with me and Ross.

Agent Tate already risked a lot to share the classified information with me, making it clear that he will deny having any knowledge of it, should I get caught. It was obvious that he was terrified of investigating the threat himself, and I felt honored that he thought I'd have the ability to somehow change the outcome we all dreaded. I just wish having his trust didn't mean that I'd be losing my wife's. Carina joined me in bed again after we talked, but the newfound closeness we had, vanished with every breath she took before falling asleep.

Since then, it's like she's been trying to seduce the truth out of me. Her kisses were harsh and hot, but the unbridled desire we found during her role play that weekend slowly started to dwindle. It was bad enough having to stop us from crossing a line when our need for each other was burning brighter than the northern star, but having to stop her when I felt her mind wander was the absolute worst. And that's when the snide remarks and picking fights started.

It was clear that she was frustrated with being held at arm's length with certain aspects of my life and there wasn't a thing I could do about it without breaking my oath. I have just been taking her moods as they came, pretending that she was back on her hormone injections, to justify her behavior. But with every fight I had to walk away from these last few days, the pain and frustration has begun building up in myself, and her slapping my hands away is starting to seem like the small drop that's going to make my own anger overflow and erupt like a volcano.

"Don't growl at me, Maya! I'm allowed to be mad when my wife is pushing me away!" That is it! I desperately need to do something to extinguish the fire between us before our energies cause an explosion that could potentially take our home with it. She gasps when I push myself into her personal space and pull her lips against mine. Our teeth clash from the ferocity of the kiss and I can taste blood as we're both trying to demand dominance over the other.

I start walking her back to the couch, still clutching her cheeks in my hands to keep her mouth on mine, but she makes it impossible for me to push her down onto the armrest without being forceful. When it dawns on me that she's using my fear of being too rough with her, terrified that it will constitute as abuse, as a weapon to gain control over me, the passion and love vanishes from the kiss quicker than I can say stop. Carina smirks into my mouth, assuming she's won the fight, before pushing me away and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"My love, I am begging you. Please let this go! My secret has nothing to do with us!" I curl my hands into fists to prevent her from seeing them tremble. She snorts on a laugh while she begins pacing again. I use all my energy to keep the voices in my head at bay, who is trying to convince me to shake her by the shoulders and demand to know how much more I need to improve to get her to see that I don't have any walls or clouds or reasons to escape. She is my whole life, and my single secret keeps her safe!