Unseen

-23-

James tries with different things like 'murder in Strode College', 'bullying in Strode College', 'accident gone wrong' and so many other options, but we can't get to anything concrete. He even adds my initials at some point but still we can't come up with one result that helps. All we ever find is an article from five years ago that mentions the new policies anti-bullying in Strode College and a faint mention that's always been a problem but they have always taken action regarding that. I would like to differ, but then I don't know what happened after my death. Maybe things changed or maybe they just covered it up...

Oh.

"What if they covered it up, James? If it was an accident or anything else, it happened in college and if it happened there then it would actually affect them negatively. It wouldn't be the first time something like this is covered up," I suggest and James freezes, his fingers hovering the keyboard and I just wait for a response.

"You think they could be that low as to hide something like this?" he asks, not meeting my eyes, his are still fixed on the large screen.

"I dunno. Possibly?"

James' hands fall on the keyboard, smashing it and his shoulders slouch, showing his defeated posture and I feel so bad for causing all this to him. I'm also impressed he's that invested in this. He decided to help me today and we've done a lot, but just now I notice how into this he is. What happened during that week I was out? What went through his mind to make him care so much?

"Or maybe we just suck at online research," I suggest, trying to lessen the burden he's feeling but he shakes his head.

"No, by now we should've found something already. So either it's not an article online or they covered it up. We could go and ask for the records of your death, but I'm not a relative and they wouldn't let me see them."

"Don't you have a hacker friend? Aren't those like super good at finding things in less than thirty seconds?" I ask next and he laughs humourlessly.

"Do I look like the kind to have friends, Paige?" he asks back but I can't answer that. For me it's obvious, he could have all the friends he wanted, but he refuses to even acknowledge his classmates. "The closest things I've had to friends are ghosts. And in my whole life you're the only one I haven't felt scared or angry at, I would even dare say you're my first friend."

I feel a lump in my throat when I hear him, and when he gives me a smile I get my breath caught in my throat and I don't even know what to say.

A friend. That's something I never had before, something that looked so foreign to me and almost like a dream upon a star. And here is James, telling me I'm his first friend and I can't remember when I've felt this happy. I have to press my lips together so I don't burst out giggling, but that's not even enough, I have to press my hands to my mouth but I guess my eyes are giggling already because James chuckles.

I guess I'm too drunk in this newfound happiness because I don't react when I see James moving his hands away from the keyboard and to my face until he grabs one of my hands in his. And because he doesn't show pain or struggle, I don't realise what he's doing after several seconds have passed.

"James!" I snap, trying to pull my hands away but he doesn't let me.

"No, focus on that feeling. That happiness!" he cries out, showing the first sign of pain. But instead of doing what he's told me to, I only get concern and I struggle to let go of him, to cease the pain I'm causing him and that only seems to make it worse. "Paige! Relax. Just focus on the happiness you were feeling."

His hands hold mine tighter and I get frantic, so scared for him but I try to obey and do what he's asked me for. I close my eyes and focus on the happiness I was feeling, the fact I'm someone's friend and I finally have a friend, but it doesn't work. I can't. I can only think of James, suffering.