Unseen

-8-

A/N: Updates have changed now to every Monday due to the fact I'm mostly away during weekends and I can't always update on that day. So from now on, expect a new chapter on those days.

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When I get home it's already late because I've been wandering around town. I haven't done anything productive or seen anyone at all. To be honest, I don't even remember what I've been doing all day since I left James, I'm not aware of the track of time, I just know it's late because Mum is on the sofa, sleeping. Luna greets me with a soft meow, rubs herself against my legs and then goes back on top of Mum and then back to sleep.

I kneel by Mum's side, trying to curl next to her kind of like Luna is doing, but I'm too big. Mum is sleeping peacefully, her breathing's even and slow and I try to imitate her. I close my eyes and I just stay like that for a while, sleeping with Mum but of course, I can't actually lose consciousness.

I don't know if I lose consciousness every once in a while. Maybe I do, considering all those lapses of time I can't recall. Maybe it's because I just- disappear. Maybe it's not that I can't remember, maybe it's just that there's nothing to remember.

"Mum, why am I stuck here?" I mumble, with my eyes still closed. "Why am I so alone? I just want to reach to someone and understand a bit, you know? If I'm going to stay like this forever, I want to at least understand what this is."

Mum doesn't say anything, of course she doesn't, not only because she can't ever hear me but because she's sleeping and I won't wake her up.

"I really feel bad now for annoying James all this time. At first I didn't think he could actually hear me and was willingly ignoring me. If I had known I don't think it would've ended like this," I muse, trying to picture the situation in my mind.

It would've ended sooner, I realise. It doesn't seem he likes people at all, alive or dead, and especially dead. He would've barked at me to leave him alone the first day if I had approached him telling him I'm dead. True, I wouldn't have annoyed him for two weeks. But he wouldn't have been more willing to be my friend than he is today, because he is completely against befriending the ghost girl.

"Well, at least I apologised. I guess that being dead made me more inept to dealing with people, don't you think, Mum? I guess there's no way to find out why I'm still here and how to tell you to be okay because I'm fine. I mean, not counting today and how I suddenly I felt again like when I was alive, I'm pretty good. No one bullies me anymore."

Positive, be positive, was something I always told myself, hoping to believe it.

It turns out that when you're being constantly attacked it makes it hard for you to be positive or to ignore people. Adults and others will tell you: ignore them, they just want a reaction. I guess that indeed that is the real solution, but ignoring them requires a certain degree of strength and the problem is that the constant bullying drains said strength away.

But now that I'm dead and I don't have people constantly hating on me I can actually have a more positive attitude. To be honest, it's the only way to carry on otherwise I don't know what I would do. It's not like I can actually leave and look for a better future because there's no future for me. I will never get a job or even go to uni. I'll be forever stuck at seventeen in this town.

So... if James will not talk to me and won't help me out, then I'll just have to continue the way I was until now. I did quite well, for someone who's dead and completely alone, in this world but not allowed to be part of it.

"I'm sorry, Mum. I really wanted to try to talk to you, at least once." I sigh and open my eyes to see her still sleeping peacefully. "As a ghost I should be able to get inside your dreams. I would always give you happy dreams, Mum."