Loving you is a losing game (ONC 2024)

Chapter 1- Imogen

Trigger warnings: Swearing

I will never understand why teenagers are so pressured into having sex. What's the rush? The average person lives to over seventy so why do we feel the need to talk about sex and have sex as soon as we turn sixteen?

I myself have never wanted to have sex, nor have I had any interest in it. Those books where the characters get it on after they've had a few drinks, proclaiming that they're in love have told me only one thing. I never ever want to have sex.

I know this sounds like it's something that will change. Trust me, I've heard it all. The old "you'll change your mind when you grow up" or "you won't be saying that when you've done it for the first time." I don't understand why people think that I know nothing just because I'm sixteen.

I've known I was Asexual for about a month now, but even before that I knew I didn't want to have sex, I just didn't know there was a name for it. Now that I do, I guess I need to work out how to tell Liam.

Liam has been my boyfriend for about eight months now. He's the type of guy who is painted as being absolutely stupid, but I know he isn't. He just needs to get motivated to make an effort.

I've been sort of avoiding him for a while. I know it's wrong and I'm probably making him really suspicious, but I'm just not ready to tell him. What if I lose him? He might dump me on the spot and spread it around the school that I'm that weird girl who doesn't want to have sex and my love life will go from relatively ok to an absolute failure.

The school we both go to is this rich private school. You know the types, the ones where you pay thousands every year to go to a school that looks like Hogwarts. I should say that I'm not actually as rich as everyone else. I guess you'd say that I'm a little better off than some people, but I wouldn't call myself rich. My mum simply married my stepdad and since my stepbrother goes to Whymper Academy, I do too now.

My stepbrother and I aren't exactly great friends. He's rather stuck up and knows practically nothing about my life before our parents met. He also seemingly forgets that my mum only married my stepdad 'cause she couldn't manage the bills without a man in her life. My dad died only a year and a half ago, but it feels like just yesterday.

I'm sitting in the common room, eating a croissant when I hear that stupid posh voice call out to me, "Imogen, would you like to join me and Francis for a game of tennis before English?" Yep, my stepbrother Edward's best friend is called Francis. No offence to anyone called Francis, but it does make you sound really posh.

"No thanks," I reply, "I'd rather stay here and read my book."

"You've always got your nose in a book, Immy," Edward complains. "Come outside for some fresh air."

"No thank you."

Edward and Francis head off in a huff. Edward knows that I never say yes to hanging around with him and his posh friends, so I don't know why he keeps asking.

I turn my head back to my book, but I only read half a page before my eyes are covered.

"Guess who?" A familiar voice asks.

"Hmm...the sweet release of death?"

Liam takes his hands away. "Nope. You've really got to stop reading all that Dickens and Austen."

"Those couldn't be more different. Dickens was a 19th century novelist who wrote stories based on his own experiences. Austen wrote novels that were about high society and how the other half live. They're nothing alike."

"That explains why you're top of the class in English and I'm at the bottom," Liam jokes.

"You wouldn't be, if you tried harder," I tease, kissing him on the cheek.

"I know, I know, but what's the point? You know I gave up on that shit long ago."

"Mr Samuels, please refrain from swearing in the common room," Rupert says. He's the head boy at Whymper and he takes his role very seriously.

"Sorry," Liam says, not sounding sorry at all.

"Swearing isn't acceptable behaviour, it simply shows a lack of respect and intelligence."

"Makes sense that I do it then, doesn't it?"

Rupert frowns. "Just, don't do it again."

Liam turns to me. "You wanna join me for lunch like we used to? You seem to spend all your time in the library these days."

There's a reason for that. But I'm not ready to tell him. Still, I can't keep pushing him away. "Sure," I reply, "I'll meet you in the usual spot."

"Ok, love you," he says, kissing me on the cheek.

"Love you too," I reply and I watch him leave. Blending into the crowd like the chameleon he is.