asylum [rafe cameron]

thirty-one

"It's not that hard to make waffles." Rafe shrugs, coming into the kitchen.

Of course, how stupid was I to forget he lives here? I look the other way, I really don't want to see him. But I can still feel his eyes on me.

"Go away Rafe." Sarah groans.

"I'll take that." he grabs one of her waffles, walking away.

"Oh my god, Rafe!" she shouts.

She was about to get up until she heard the front door slam. She sighs in annoyance.

"Probably going out to do coke again because he has nothing better to do." she mutters under her breath, rolling her eyes as she talks.

"Oh, I thought he quit?" I ask casually, not wanting to seem nosy.

"He says he's quitting like every week, then goes and does it again."

"And because he does it all the time he just gets so angry, it ruins everyone's mood when he comes home." she sighs.

"I haven't even talked to him since like last week." she goes on.

"Maybe you should, I don't know, check on him?" I ask.

"I am not checking up on him," she says,"he's unbearable when he's doing coke."

"It's like he's a different person, like I don't know him anymore." she sighs.

"Because he's not in the right headspace," I explain,"you have to understand that."

"I know."

"He just needs someone to care for him."

She nods.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?" she asks.

"Go ahead." I continue eating my waffle.

"I don't wanna be invasive or anything, but the pogues said you used to, you know, have a hard time with drugs?"

"Yeah."

"How did you- stop?" she questions.

"Having no money helps since I can't buy them." I laugh.

"No- um, probably because of them." I correct myself.

"I mean they were hard on me by cutting me off but, they were more important to me." I say.

"Have you done it since your overdose?" she asks concerned.

"Nah, me and Barry aren't really on good terms anyway." I shrug.

"Barry?" she asks.

"The drug dealer." I say.

"Right." she nods.

An awkward silence filled the room as we both ate our waffles.

"So, when did you and John B happen?" I ask, my mouth half full.

She instantly smiles at his name.

"Like two months ago." she's still smiling.

I look at how happy she is just thinking about him. I wish it was that easy for me and Rafe.

Sarah notices my frown.

"Are you seriously thinking about the guy that made you cry?"

"Yeah." I sigh.

"You know what the best thing to do is to get over a boy?" she says.

I raise my eyebrows, wondering what she's about to say.

"A rebound."

"No, Sarah I don't even know if we've broken up."

"You were together?" she says.

"No- no, I mean kinda?"

"Like, it was a secret relationship but we never said we were boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Why was it a secret?" she asks.

"He wanted it to be."

"And you put up with it?" she asks, looking grossed out.

She would never know what it's like to be kept a secret because of her status. I'm just a 'filthy pogue'.

"You know what this calls for?" she says.

"Don't even."

"A rebound."

"Party at Toppers at 7am, you're coming with me." she says.