Retrograde▸bucky barnes

25. Saturday

"But I don't want you to feel weird that I would be moving-" he paused like he couldn't quite find the words, "I don't want you to be weirded out by the fact that I'd be moving just to be closer to you."

A smile crept across Lena's face, a feeling of warmth spreading across her body. With immense effort she rolled so that she was sitting on him instead, her hands splaying across his bare chest as she leaned down to kiss him, "I wouldn't be. In fact, nothing would make me happier."

–

After a cup of coffee that had been left sitting on the dining table half drunk, Lena was on the back of Bucky's rented motorcycle as they sped through Berlin's streets. Her grip around his waist was no less of an anxious clinging than it had been all those months ago riding through New York's streets and by the time they arrived at their destination Lena could not have been more excited to be there.

"Bucky there is no reason that riding with you should be such a harrowing experience. You're 106 years old and have been able to drive for most of that time."

Bucky kissed her quickly, "we've been over this darling, I'm a very safe driver. I'm never in accidents."

"But it feels like we're going to be in an accident every third intersection-"

"But we aren't, are we?"

"No but it feels like your driving has gotten even more chaotic since I met you. Like now that you know we're both supersoldiers it's fine to drive even more recklessly?"

Bucky took her hand as they walked down the street together, "Maybe. But you obviously trust me enough to still get on."

Lena sighed because in that respect he was right - she did trust him. But that had little to do with the way he drove a motorcycle. She trusted the way he opened doors for her and snuck sidelong glances when he thought she was not looking. She trusted the way he did everything in his power to protect her in a fight but never treated her like she was delicate. She trusted the honesty with which he viewed the world and the occasional childlike wonder at some modern invention he had yet to encounter due to his many years hidden away as HYDRA's weapon.

But they were HYDRA's weapons no longer and there were a thousand and one places to show him in her beloved city and no better place to begin than her favorite cafe. The place had high ceilings and windows that reached up into the walls and made the space feel far bigger than it was. The checkerboard tile floor was original and just as Lena remembered it from her childhood. The furniture had long since been replaced, but someone had been careful to redecorate with distinctly antique round tables and well-loved wooden chairs squatting beneath them. It was bustling with activity when they entered but in the sort of way that felt unrushed and like you can stay forever without bothering anyone at all. With croissants, lattes, and fresh fruit they sat together, knees touching underneath the well-worn little table.

"I can see why you like that cafe in New York, it's as close to this one as you were ever going to get," Bucky said.

"Yes, but this one is the one I was wanting all along. This is the one I was missing."

"Tell me more about it," he said leaning back in his chair.

A flash of adoration flared up in Lena. It wasn't that he had not ever asked her more about her past life, but having him ask while sitting across from her in one of her favorite locations in the whole world was elating.

So, she told him about the cafe and its history and how as a little girl she used to watch her mother write her poetry while sipping black coffee. She told him about her teenage years spent doing the same and laughing with friends. In the echo of remembered laughter she almost started to tell him about her daughter, but suddenly the words wouldn't come, and it was impossible to say more. Bucky saw the change in her voice, the shift in her demeanor.

"What's wrong doll?" he said, reaching across the table for her hand. In the way he reached across the table for her, the care in his voice, the intensity of his eyes, it suddenly felt like a very bad idea to have brought him here.

"Nothing," she said shaking her head, "I was just thinking about how it's so strange to have you here when nearly everyone I've ever loved has also sat in this cafe with me."

He looked at her for a second as if trying to decipher what she meant. She knew she had only ever offered up snippets about her life in the Forties, but she also knew that he would remember.

"Your family? You used to come here with them too?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. With Edmund," Lena paused, her voice shaking. "And Magnolia."

Bucky squeezed her hand, his voice soft, "I'm sorry."

Lena sighed, "You have nothing to be sorry for Bucky-"

"I know- but I'm sorry you didn't get the time you should have with them. You should have been able to watch Magnolia grow up and watch Edmund grow old with you."

Lena cast her gaze around the room, the ghosts of her past seeming to dance just out of her line of sight. The familiarity of the café had been so comforting up until this moment, but now it was sickening – full of 'should haves' and 'could haves.'

"They stole it from you Lena," Bucky said, "HYDRA stole a whole life from us and just because we've moved on from it doesn't mean we can't mourn it.

The adoring look Bucky gave her was so reminiscent of her late-husband that it hurt to look at him and she fixed her eyes on her latte, "Don't look at me like that Bucky, you're going to make me cry."

"You're allowed to cry."

She looked up with him with a small smile, "But I don't want to. Because now I'm here with you."

"I feel honored to have been brought here," he said grinning.

Lena half-heartedly kicked him under the table, "You should be."

He laughed, the sound warm and filling up the space. The other patrons turned their heads to look, their gazes full of amusement.

"What do you miss most about your life before?" Lena asked as Bucky's laughter faded.

He considered, his gaze focusing on something in the middle distance that Lena could only imagine was a long-gone beloved memory.

"There's a lot I don't remember but probably just being a kid. I mean there was so much happening – the Depression, being drafted, all of it. But before that, Steve and I were barely out of our teens. We had a lot of fun and caused a lot of trouble.

"Captain America causing trouble, no way," Lena said sarcastically.

Bucky leaned back in his chair chuckling, "He did his fair share. He is not the Boy Scout people make him out to be."

"Well of course not - he had you for a best friend."

Bucky shook his head but grinned, "and you love me for it."

Lena rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I do. But now we've got to get going, there's so much more I want you to see.

"I've been to Berlin before you know," Bucky said slipping into German.

"Well of course, but not with me, you haven't," Lena grinned.

"Okay then, what's next Miss Lierens?"

"Follow me and find out Sergeant Barnes. 

...........................................

what is UP friends! i haven't touched this fic in literally 6 months but i really do intend to finish it one day. tbh idk when because i decided to do some replotting so i'm still wandering around in the metaphorical forest of possibility and the indecision wasteland but eventuallllyyyyy it will be completed.

so much love to anyone who has been following along and waiting for this to be updated <3 and equal love to anyone just now finding and reading this fic because it means the world that new people are still finding and reading this <3

xx