Inheritance: Scales of Change

Chapter Thirteen - Getting Through

*    *    *

    You couldn't tell if the sun had set, or it was pitch black from the storm clouds, but after hours of standing on the shoreline, soaked through, your body shivering, Caspian finally squeezed your hand.
"Let's go get warm My Love." He spoke softly.
You didn't argue, you didn't have the will to. You didn't even really know why you were standing out there so long. Maybe it was because the weather felt like you did. Maybe it was the closest living thing you thought could relate to you at that moment. Maybe the numbness you felt from the cold finally mirrored the numbness inside. Regardless, you allowed him to lead you inside the house, where Raxe and your father sat at the table silently. They both looked up when you walked in, and Raxe stood and rushed over to hug you.
    The warmth of his body stung against your cold skin, but it was nice to feel something after days of feeling nothing. He let you go, then hugged Caspian just as firmly, not saying a word.
Caspian finally spoke. "I'm going to get us dried off." He led you to the sleeping area, where your mother kept her clean towels and clothes. He let go of your hand, and you stood in the middle of the room, with a blank expression on your face. Caspian pulled the chair over to you, and gently sat you down on it, kneeling next to you with a towel around his neck to catch the water dripping from his hair. He began to gently squeeze the water from your hair into a towel, taking his time not to pull too hard. He wiped off your face, and then helped you get out of your wet clothes, wrapping you in a dry towel as you did, so your body was never exposed. He did the same for himself, wrapping a towel around his waist as he hung your clothes to dry over the grate of the fireplace.
    He returned to you, helped you up from the chair, then pulled you into the tightest hug he could muster without causing you harm. The second your face pressed against his chest, and you felt his arms securely around you, the dam shattered. You cried, harder than you ever had. You cried so much you were worried you wouldn't be able to stop. He just held you, and rocked his body back and forth as he ran his fingers through your damp hair.
"I'm so sorry My Love. I'm so, so sorry... I know... I know how much it hurts..." He calmly whispered to you, until you had no more tears left.

    Exhausted, and finally able to catch your breath, you looked up at him. He reached down and kissed your forehead.
"You're all wet again." He smiled.
You couldn't help a little smile. "I know..." You wiped your face. "And our clothes are all soaked..."
"They were due for a wash anyway." His eyes shone with all the compassion and love any human could hold.
You sighed heavily, "What am I supposed to do..."
He squeezed you again. "Well. I know it doesn't feel like it at all, but every day does get a tiny bit easier... and your mother would have wanted you to continue to live your life. Your father needs you, Raxe needs you, Sisni needs you, and I need you. And we will help each other through this."
He was right, it didn't feel like you would ever be ok again...but you had to believe him. The thought of feeling like this forever...you didn't think you would survive another day. He knew better than anyone the feeling of losing a parent. Not only one, but two. If he could survive it, surely you could too.

    Once your clothes were dry enough to put back on, you both dressed and joined Raxe and your father in the sitting room. The storm continued to rage outside, shaking the little house. At times you thought the roof might blow off, but it held steady.
"Huh. This little place is sturdier than she looks." Your father commented, as if reading your thoughts.
"At least that patch we put in the roof is holding up." Raxe said to Caspian, who nodded.
"Does anyone want dinner?" You asked suddenly, to everyone's shock.
"You hungry Bug?" Your father asked.
You nodded. You were, but you also wanted to do something to keep your mind busy. "I was thinking of a stew tonight."
"Stew sounds perfect Bun." Raxe smiled at you. "Did you want any help?"
You shook your head. "No thanks, you guys just stay here and keep the house from blowing away." You smiled.
Caspian squeezed your hand as you walked away. You don't know how you could have gotten through the day without him.

*    *    *

"I can always head back without you." Caspian offered. "There is no rush for you two."
"No, if we go back, I want to go back together." You insisted. "Dad, technically, you can stay here if you want...there really is no reason for you to leave."
"No reason?" He responded surprised. "I have a responsibility to you and your sister. I'm not going to let you go galavanting off across the ocean without me."
"I mean... that was never an issue before..." You chuckled, helping yourself to more eggs.
"Well I couldn't help that I wasn't there before." He huffed and rolled his eyes. "Am I not still your First Mate? Or did you demote me when I wasn't looking?"
"Of course you are." You smiled to yourself at your father's insistence. It was nice to hear that he wasn't going to let you leave him. After a few days of sorting through the little of your mothers belongings, you had all decided it was time to go back to the Shade. Caspian reminded you that the Pirate Lords were probably arriving one by one now, and Sevas wouldn't be able to entertain them indefinitely. Your father was reluctant to leave your mother's house, understandably, for worry about it falling into ruin without being cared for.
"When we get back to the palace I will request a laborer to come and keep the house maintained, it will come out of my treasury." Caspian stated.
"Oh no Son, I don't want you to have to do that." Your dad shook his head.
"I will need a place to stay when I come to visit, if Terebinthia and Narnia are going to be more than allies."
Your heart sunk. With the events of the last few days you had forgotten all about the talks Caspian and Irilin had of marriage.
"You wouldn't be more comfortable at the palace?" Your dad questioned.
"I like it here. It is comfortable, and peaceful." Caspian responded firmly.
"Alright, if you're sure. The house is yours." Your dad smiled at him.
"So....we're going back?" Raxe asked.
"Looks like it." Your dad answered. "We'll pack up and head back as soon as breakfast is done."

*    *    *

You were reserved during the ride back. Going back to the palace meant you and Caspian had to fall back into your act. Caspian had to actively court the Princess, and you would have to face Sir Mar...
"Are you upset with me?" Caspian asked gently as your father and Raxe rode ahead of you both.
"No." You said honestly. "There's just a lot I'm going to have to deal with now..."
"You know, whatever act I have to put on for the court is just that...an act...I don't feel anything but respect for the Princess..." He started to assure you.
"I know." You sighed. "Did I tell you, my mother knew?"
"About us?" He was surprised.
You nodded. "That last day... she told me 'Love doesn't understand rules... Love will find a way.'"
He laughed silently to himself. "She was right, love doesn't understand rules..."
"No kidding..." You grumbled. "I want to believe her... about finding a way..."
"Maybe this is the way..." He thought out loud. "maybe without knowing it, she was telling you this was the right decision?"
"Somehow I think if my mother knew I was you mist..." you stopped short when his eyes flashed black. "I mean, 'your secret' she wouldn't be very happy."
"You should know, I hold you to nothing. No oath...no promises... if you changed your mind..."
"No. No, I would be miserable without you at best... this situation makes me slightly less miserable..."
He laughed. "Uhm. Glad I can help?"
You laughed as well. "I mean I realized all or nothing doesn't work for me the way I thought it would. Not when it comes to you."
"Nor I you." He smiled. "My Little Secret."