The boy was like a caretaker they could approach because the age gap wasn't as big as with most of the noonas, and Minho always made them feel cared for and understood.
"What if I didn't do anything horrible?" mumbled Jisung, getting closer to his best friend.
Minho hummed. "Well, then no one will hate you."
Jisung pulled at Minho's t-shirt with clenched fists. "But they do." he couldn't keep in a sob, and then the crying started.
Minho panicked at first, but soon reacted and sat up with his friend to hug him better. The boy rested his head on the older's shoulder, wetting it with hot tears.
"Who hates you?" Minho's voice was concerned, sad.
Jisung sobbed harder, shaking his head. Minho didn't have to know this. It had been stupid of him to open his mouth before he thought properly about what he was about to say.
But Minho didn't let it go like all those other times before. He grabbed Jisung's face by his chubby and beautiful cheeks and wiped away each tear that fell. "Sunggie, I'm here for you, but I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."
He smiled, trying so hard to get his friend to talk.
The younger sniffled, looking into Minho's deep brown eyes. "But you already take care of everyone here, I don't want to add more worries."
Minho's little heart broke. No one ever cared about dumping their problems on him, no one ever cared about Minho's own mental health, Minho's own struggles. But of course Jisung would care about that. His Jisung was someone special.
His Jisung was the only one Minho loved in that orphanage.
●●●●●
I'm almost finished with lunch when Felix's friends arrive. I agreed on giving them some chemistry extra classes because they don't understand what is going on in class and exams aren't that far away.
The rest of the morning went by somehow. I spaced out a lot and I'm not really proud of that because it keeps happening, even now.
Felix and his friends barge into the kitchen. "Hey!" Hyunjin greets. Seungmin follows.
"Set the table, food's almost ready."
They follow without complaining and when lunch is ready we sit and eat it. I would say in silence, but realistically speaking, only me and Seungmin are somewhat quiet. The younger boy engages more than I do in hyunlix's conversation. He's their friend, after all, and I'm not.
Unconsciously, I space out once again. It's becoming a habit I hate.
Still, my mind keeps wandering around memories. Jisung's little visit messed up the hard walls I had so meticulously put up around my past with him. It's annoying really, because I've missed him too much.
Prying eyes are fixated on my stoic face, I can feel them burning holes through me, trying to see every thought that's crossing through my mind. I don't need to look to know they belong to Seungmin, observant and silent Seungmin, who notices every little thing even if it's flawlessly hidden.
He just needed two weeks to figure me out when we met. It's scary.
"I'm so full!" thankfully, Hyunjin says, calling everyone's attention in that special way of his that basically consists on being loud and annoying until someone pays attention.
Felix stands up and starts collecting dirty plates to put them in the dishwasher. "Wait for me in my room, guys."
I think I'm part of the 'guys' but I refuse to let him clear out the table on his own. His friends try to help out too, but I shut them off and send them to Felix's room. They don't argue much because I've always been more imposing than Felix ever will.
"You go up with them too and start looking through your notes, Lix." I tell the freckled boy, who shakes his head furiously as a no.
"You cooked for us, I'm not letting you clean alone."
I sigh, hands full with dirty plates. "Go upstairs and look through your chemistry notes. I want you to have clear doubts when I come back up so you can ask me and I don't have to guess like always."
I think I've convinced him. He hesitantly drops the handful of chopsticks he was holding before and runs to his room upstairs. His feet, covered by fluffy chicken-themed socks, puff against the floor with soft thuds and I smile. It reminds me of the times Jisung run through the orphanage hallways when we played hide and se-
Stop thinking about him.
I shake the memories out of my head. Cold water covers my fingers along with soap as I handwash the pans I used. The dishwasher tends to ruin their base and I don't really know why, so I prefer to manually take care of those instead of having to buy pans every so often.
I hear sets of laughter from upstairs. The boys are definitely not looking at their notes like I asked them to.
Jisung also used to pretend he was done with homework just to play with me. I'd get 'mad' but still had the best days just goofing off with him under the sun that shone into the orphanage's garden. I remember the other kids would look at us with weird faces whenever we would sunbathe. We always ended up rolling on the grass, tickling each other or fake fighting.
Jisung would laugh so beautifully, I remember. Is his laughter still like that, or has it changed like his voice did?
His cheeks are still the same. I still want to bite them, but not really. I remember them feeling like mochi when we were kids. Ah, good times.
He'd tell me all about the cycle of water whenever we rested under the big tree, giving me every piece of his mind and constantly reminding me that he really loved me. Yes, he'd say 'I love you' after explaining with detail some random thing he'd learnt in science at school.
I didn't go to school. That's why I'm two years behind everyone else my age. I don't really mind, because I gave up my spot to him and I still think it was worth it.
Jisung never knew that. I wonder if he knows now, if anyone told him before he left.
He left. He left you, Minho.
Right. He left me. He got adopted and I never heard from him after that. Jisung promised to call me every day, to come visit me.
He never did.
There's a tear rolling down my cheek. I didn't want to think about him. Am I stupid?
I shake my head and snap out of it. My hands have been under cold water for god knows how long. The pads of my fingers are all wrinkled.
I close the tap and wipe my hands dry, then turn around to go help Felix and his friends.
But Seungmin is at the kitchen door, silently observing. His eyes, once again, seem to know all my secrets.
"How long have you been here?" I ask, smiling and trying to hide that there's something wrong with me today.
Seungmin shrugs. "Got thirsty. Are you coming up now?" he says, avoiding my question. I nod, nevertheless.
Oh, he definitely knows there's something going on.
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