Sammi and Sue

Should I be scared?

 I wasn't too scared for what I was about to do.I was actually more afraid of what my mom would think and what she would do if I didn't succeed, but I guess that didn't matter. I was going to succeed this time. I had to. I popped the lid off of both my medications and scooped out a handful of each. I downed them a few at a time with my water. I hope this works, I thought to myself. But what if it doesn't. I didn't want to think about that. I went out to the kitchen and put my prescription bottles away then went back to my room and climbed into bed.

I couldn't sleep no matter what I did. Pretty son I started sweating. I figured it had been only a few minutes, but turns out it had been a few hours. Have I really been laying there that long. I realized that I was freezing, yet at the same time, I was sweating. How is that possible? I got up to get a drink from my water bottle, I couldn't stand straight, i was so dizzy and I felt my heart pounding. I couldn't take this. What had I done to myself? I decided to text Rory again.

"Hey I did something bad" It didn't take him long to reply.

"Sammi, I'm worried, are you okay?" I guess he really was worried about me. I just couldn't get that through my thick skull.

"I took some pills.... I'm sorry. I'm so dizzy, I don't know what to do.Please dont tell anyone... I mean it"

"Sammi! Oh my god why did you do that? I promise I won't tell anyone okay? Just tell me why."

"I don't know okay. I don't know. Is it okay if we Skype? I want to hear your voice again. before I go. I can't talk, but I really want to hear you. Please?"

"Sure one sec"

By now it was about two in the morning and I was starting to freak out. I decided to look up what the side effects were for my medications. Just as Rory called my Skype. I answered.

"Sammi. I'm really worried about you. Please, you have to do something."

I typed in the message box below.

"I'm sorry I don't know what to do. I'm looking up side effects."

"Sammi, I want to tell you something. In case I'm never able to say it to you again."

"What is it?" I typed.

"Samantha, I love you. I know this may seem a bit forward, but I'm scared. I won't know what to do without you."

"Oh" I typed. I started crying silently. We chatted this way until around 4:30 in the morning.

"Sammi, you need to call someone. Please. I'm really worried about you.Please"

"I don'tt knnow," I typed. It was getting harder for me to see the letters on the keyboard and I was struggling to type. "I ccant type I'm scarred"

"Oh god, Sammi please!"

I couldn't take this anymore. I hung up the Skype conversation and walked slowly and dizzily out to the kitchen with my iPod. I grabbed the phone and dialed 911. The phone just kept ringing and ringing. I hung up. Why am I doing this anyway. I set the phone back down on the cradle. Just as I was about to walk away, the phone rang. I knew who it was and I grabbed it right away because I didn't want my parents waking up.

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"This is 9-1-1, we just received a call from you is everything okay?"

"Not really"

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I overdosed last night on my prescription pills."

"Do you mind telling me your name and address?"

"Sure. My name is Samantha Barczak, and..." I told her my address.

"Do you mind spelling your last name for me?"

"B-A-R-C-Z-A-K"

"Okay Samantha, I'm sending someone out there for you. I want you to try to stay calm as best as you can. Can you tell me your middle name, and how old are you?"

"Yeah, it's Cecilia, C-E-C-I-L-I-A, and I'm 17." I got my iPod out and messaged Rory on Kik. "I called 911" then I set it face down on the counter. Just then my dad walked out.

"Samantha, are you okay? Is there anybody home with you?" It was still the 9-1-1 dispatcher lady.

"I think so. my dad just woke up. He's out here now."

"Do you mind giving the phone to your dad?"

I handed the phone to my dad. I felt as if I were in a trance and I was seeing spots and bubbles in my vision. I could barely stand, so I sat down right where I was standing. I didn't know what to do anymore. My heart was racing, I was breathing so fast, and now Rory was really worried about me. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I had no idea what my dad talked to the dispatcher about, but he handed the phone back to me.

"Okay Samantha, I'm going to stay on the line until someone gets there. Is that okay?"

"Yeah." I answered. I didn't know what else to say.

I didn't say anything to the dispatcher until I heard a knock on the door.

"They're here."

"Good, Thank you Samantha for staying on the line with me. Everything's going to be okay." I hung up the phone and set it on the floor next to me as my dad opened the door. I was in a total daze.