Partners In Crime (lietpol/Poliet)

Chapter 13

"I figured that I had to like, show my parents. I showed it to my dad and was he was like, totally cool at first. He hugged me and said he totally loved me, but then," Feliks stopped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "He said that we could 'work through this'. That if I like, tried hard enough I could change."

Toris lowered his head in sympathy. "Feliks I had no idea. I'm sorry I asked."

Feliks held up a hand and shook his head. "No, no. It's totally okay. It just felt like shit. Knowing that your dad doesn't like you the way you are, y'know? And after he said that, he like, started crying. Because he was disappointed in me.

"So then he told my mom and she like, flipped. My parents are both really religious Catholics and my mom was like, totally furious about my 'poor life decisions'.

"She started yelling and my dad was just crying and I don't know, I just wanted to die. I have these pills that I take for my ADHD and the next time I was alone I..."

Feliks trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Toris blankly stared at the carpeted floor. So it wasn't his fault Feliks had tried to kill himself.

The Pole opened his eyes and turned to make eye contact with his friend.

"It was such a stupid thing to do. I wasn't thinking. It was impulse. I guess I just... don't feel that rejected all that often and I didn't know to do and I felt worthless and stupid and I don't know. I've been told I'm stupid before, all the time, but I've never taken it to heart. Maybe I am stupid after all."

Toris didn't know how to comfort Feliks. He should. After all, Toris was completely aware of Felik's pain. The Lithuanian just couldn't will himself to speak. He was transfixed by Feliks's story.

The Pole went on, "I was just sitting around, waiting to die. A couple of minutes in, I started to panic. I didn't feel any different. Was it working? Would I die slowly? Would I live and just be really messed up for the rest of me life?

"My dad came downstairs before anything happened. He saw me sitting next to a bottle of pills, and when he picked it up, he realized it was empty. He asked me why and I was all 'I totally don't know'. And then he asked again and I broke down and told him that I took them all.

"I vaguely remember him calling a poison control center and yelling something at my mom, and then I started feeling dizzy and I was screaming my head off at the volcanoes exploding on the ceiling and the men with knives running at me and then there's just this blank gap in my memory.

"The next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital. My dad was by my side, and he totally apologized. He was crying, and he like, said he was so happy he hadn't lost me and that I was perfect just the way I was. My dad came and visited every day."

Feliks's eyes grew red and puffy. He was still smiling, smiling through it all like the brave person Toris had fallen in love with.

The Lithuanian wanted to comfort Feliks. He wanted to say something, anything, to make his friend feel better. He was never good with words though. He just stayed silent.

"My dad visited me every day," Feliks repeated. "My mom," The blond choked up. "She never showed up. I waited for her, and I asked for her, but she never came. Not even once."

And then Feliks was crying into Toris's shoulder, clinging to the Lithuanian with all he was worth.

Toris felt tears prick his own eyes.

"I'm sorry," Toris said slowly. "I don't know if this makes anything any better but-" He spoke his next words in his own language, just as Feliks had for him.

"Aš tave myliu."

I love you.

It was absurd. Everything about it was absurd. Toris had known Feliks for only about two weeks.

But Feliks was the first person who made Toris feel truly happy since he was first diagnosed with depression. He had almost forgotten what it felt like until Feliks was dropped into his life.

And the Pole brought another emotion to Toris too, an unfamiliar one: love.

Toris loved Feliks. He loved the way Feliks smelled, the way Feliks dressed, the way Feliks talked, the way Feliks was Feliks.

The little Pole gazed up at Toris. "R-really?" He sniffled.

Toris pulled Feliks close. He never wanted to leave the blond's side. "Yes. You're my partner in crime." Feliks still looked doubtful. "I'll prove it," Toris offered.

Then, taking a leap of faith, Toris murmured, "Kiss me."

A/N: Sorry if I offended anyone by the whole Catholic comment. I do know that most Catholics are good, accepting people. I added that part because a) while most Catholics are not homophobes, most homophobes are catholic. Kind of a trade off there. b) Most Poles actually are Catholic, so that's just a little realism. I hope no one took offense ^J^