S.M.A.S.H

I. And so, it Begins

Song for this chapter: Don't Tread on Me by Metallica

Two weeks into your hiring as a part of the main cast, and you had quickly deduced that filming weeks were rough. It was only Wednesday, but the exhaustion had already hit you like a small vehicle-- you guessed that by Friday, it would be a semi.

The good news, though, was that you got to film your first Try Not To Laugh, which was very fun. You were first in the Hot Seat, as a "welcome to the family" gift, according to Ian. You weren't sure how welcoming spitting water all over yourself would feel, but you could appreciate the gesture.

Courtney went first in the epic battle of trying to make you laugh. She and Damien walked onto the set, and acted like they were seated next to each other at the bar. Damien made to take a sip of his drink, but suddenly flopped backward, screaming and thrashing about on the floor. Courtney looked from him to the bartender (well, they were imaginary) and said, "I'll have what he's having."

It was a good thing that Damien had rolled out of the splash zone, because if he hadn't, he'd be wearing used water. Not the best way to start a job. It was so stupid, yet pure genius.

Tommy failed to make you laugh with what he called "Clowning Around". Essentially, he pretended to be a menace of a clown that enjoyed committing major felonies in his leisure. It was interesting, but not worthy of a laugh.

Shayne, for his bit, dressed as what was either an extremely inaccurate mockery of Courtney, or Dee Snider after getting struck by lightning. He came out from behind the divider in a muscle tee and a very unkempt wig, stomping about.

"WHAT ARE YOU?" He screamed at you, making sure to leave no hearing ability in your left ear. "THE NEW KID?"

He then produced a sticky note from his pocket.

"I WAS TOLD YOU'RE NEW, SO HERE'S MY ADVICE TO YOU: NUMBER ONE, DON'T EVER LET IAN MAKE YOU A CUP OF COFFEE. IT TASTES SO BAD, THEY WOULDN'T EVEN SERVE IT WHEN I WAS IN ALCATRAZ. NUMBER TWO--"

Shayne never got to finish his bit, because all of a sudden, he burst through the window in the back of the studio. Except it wasn't him. It was him in the wig.

"How'd you know I was in Alcatraz?" They marched up to Shayne, knocking down all the expensive equipment in the sea of cameras in the process. "Are you following me?"

"Aren't you-- aren't you dead?" Shayne sputtered, dropping the screaming Hulk act.

"No, but you know who is?" God, their voice was so brash and loud. "Y/N!"

At that, the creature picked you up and hurled you at the far wall in one swift motion. You made eye contact with Marcus as you flew above him, his eyebrows raised nearly into his hairline. You didn't have time to process it before you slammed into the wall.

As you fell down towards the floor, you could hear the menace shouting from the distance.

"Drive, Dumpy! Drive!"

And presumably Dumpy:

"Go, horsey! Giddyup!"

You groaned as about a dozen people ran to you. What in the hell just happened?

"Y/N, are you okay?" Garrett asked, dropping to your level.

"Maybe?"

"Wasn't she dead? She was dead, yes?" Shayne asked from the distance, clearly not over the shock that she-- the one who used you as a javelin-- was still kicking.

"Who was that?" You asked, pushing yourself into a sitting position.

"That was Courtney Freaking Miller. She is... Clinically, legally, and illegally insane. But she's been gone for so long. And how did she know who you were? Do you know her?"

"I don't know how she knows me, because I have never met someone so deranged or, quite frankly, hideous, in my life."

"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Garrett tilted your head back gently. "Your forehead's bleeding a bit."

"Oh, I hurt; don't worry. I'll wake up feeling like how Patrick Swayze currently looks. I think I'm more confused than injured."

You heard someone whisper about the identity of Patrick Swayze to another, and decided that you would educate the uncultured one later.

"Well, if you're sure. I think we should call it for filming for today. Not just because I have to fix that window now." Garrett pointed to the Courtney Freaking Miller-shaped hole in the window. "That'll be fun."

Get it? Because Patrick Swayze is dead?