Indra's Web

Untitled Part 1

tw: vague implications of or to derealization and unreality, implications of low self esteem and self loathing, unloving parents mention, depression fog/depression's horrible effect on memory mention, implication of trauma healing setback

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Rei had been majoring in anatomical studies.

He wanted to be an illustrator for medical textbooks.

He loved art and was deeply interested in the human body. Its construction and functionality fascinated him. Taking the route of being a medical illustrator was the perfect way for him to combine his interests.

When Rei died, his family got his notes, anatomical studies, and medical art.

But Kuyo? He got all Rei's sketchbooks.

Rei's mom insisted he take them. She was oddly adamant about it. Kuyo didn't know why she wanted him to, but he still took them.

He never looked in them. Rei was always super adamant about not letting him see what was in there–always embarrassed. Kuyo wanted to respect that.

Well, that's what he told himself, anyway.

Regardless, Kuyo didn't know what was in those sketchbooks. Honestly, he knew that whatever was in there would probably break his heart.

And well, it did.

Four years after Rei's death, in his new apartment with his now boyfriend, Kayden, Kuyo saw their contents.

Kayden had opened them.

He was unpacking, and was trying to check if the notebook was his or Kuyo's. If he had known what it really was, he wouldn't have looked.

He looked in the "notebook" and instantly knew what was inside wasn't theirs. Instead, this was a piece of a man Kuyo still loved, but couldn't anymore.

Kayden wanted to respect that.

But... curiosity was the fundamental building block of humans.

Kayden flipped through the sketchbooks, instantly seeing a very recurring theme. One that was from the heart, one that was very clearly meant to be private.

He seemed to vaguely remember Kuyo telling him about Rei's mom insisting he take something that had been Rei's.

Kayden understood why.

"Hey, Kuyo?" Kayden looked back down at the contents of the page. Rei had crafted everything in here with careful hands and curated love–with love that was still alive. "I... I think you should come look at this."

Kuyo wiped his hands. He had been washing the dishes. He walked into their soon to be bedroom, expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

Instead, he saw the sketchbooks laid out and Rei's most recent one in Kayden's hand. Kuyo remembered him hastily shoving it into his backpack the morning of his death. He had an exam to get to.

A brief and sharp flare of anger and betrayal on Rei's behalf, and maybe for himself, shot up his spine.

But Kayden knew when to respect privacy, and he wouldn't have done something like this without reason. He'd always been careful around anything involving Rei. Guiltily, Kuyo had the abrupt realization Kayden probably felt like he had to walk on eggshells with the topic.

Kayden hurriedly explained, "I had thought they were our notebooks, so I opened them to see who's they were. I didn't realize they..." He paused.

"I didn't realize what they were. But I... I still think you should look at it... no matter how much it'll hurt."