Xibalba and La Muerte Short Stories

A Treat and A Trim

"Haven't you tried scrubbing it out?" She inquired. He gave her a glare.

"Of course I have! But it won't come out!" La Muerte suddenly froze and remembered her husband's words. . So I gathered everything I would need like sugar and merengue powder and didn't think you would mind if I pinched it from your supplies here, your supplies, your supplies... Turning to the sugar that had been left out she glanced at it to find to her dismay she had been right, it was her sugar. Covering her face she cried out.

"Aye Xibalba! You idiot! You used my sugar didn't you?" He looked up from his furious scrubbing to his wife in surprise.

"Well, yes, why?" She shook her head.

"Xibalba my sugar is not the same as mortal sugar; it's the type that if it gets much too wet it sticks and stays there. Yes that's the same as most regular sugar but the worst thing is it doesn't come out, with magic or scrubbing. It's goddess sugar," He felt his wings fluff and he stared at her.

"Why would you even have that?!" He shrieked, now realizing the situation for what it was. She sighed.

"It's what I use in my churros since it is my special recipe! I never use it wet!" They fell silent before Xibalba began to frantically try and use magic to get the paste off. But La Muerte was right, it didn't come out, it still stuck there. Finally he gave up and turned to his wife who was deep in thought.

"What am I to do now?! I can't walk around with this stuck in my beard, look at me, I look ridiculous!" He cried sharply. Then he began to pace. "My poor beard, it took me so long to make it so proud and sharp like a scorpion. Why must it be ruined?" His wife suddenly stood straight and looked at Xibalba, eyes faintly reassuring.

"Xibalba there is only one thing you can do. You have to cut your beard off," She said simply. He felt his jaw drop to the floor, quite literally but his wife snapped it back up. However she greatly regretted the act afterwards as he began to complain.

"WHAT? NO I WON'T LET YOU! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GROW IT? I WILL LOOK ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!" He shouted. La Muerte smirked.

"More ridiculous than having globs of sugar in your beard?" He opened his mouth to make a comeback but nothing came out. She sighed and grasped his bony arm. "Come on, if you stop complaining it will not take long," And with that she began to tug him to her chambers.

"Mi amor, I will not let you do it, you can do whatever you want, reason, seduce, plead..." Xibalba said steadily, voice firm but his wife's laugh cut him off as she pushed him into her room, shutting the door and turning to her husband.

"I'm not going to seduce you and plead? No, if you don't let me do it with permission I will hold you down and snip it off in one big snip. Your choice dear husband, refuse and be forced to the ground or sit with your dignity and let me try and make it look good once done," He crossed his arms.

"No, La Muerte I'm telling you, this isn't going to work out, maybe there is something about this in the Book of Life, maybe if we asked Candlemaker for some assistance?" La Muerte sat him down on a stool and pulled out a pair of golden scissors, snipping the air and causing her husband to gulp. Rolling her eyes she shook her head.

"Xibalba, could you be any more difficult? I am not going to bother Candlemaker with a mistake you made, now it is time for you to man up and take care of your actions for once!" He covered his beard with a hand.

"But why am I to take care of my actions the exact day it means I must lose my beard? La Muerte, this is as bad as if I snipped off half your hair! If you cut my beard I will repay the favor," He threatened. However she merely raised an eyebrow.

"No you wouldn't, I know you and you love my hair too much to see it cut, or dyed or basically if anything unnatural befalls it you go mad. That is why I know your threat is empty," He cringed away from the scissors as she drifted closer, making her sigh. "Balby, I love everything about you, including your beard because I love twisting my fingers through each white hair, but it needs to be done, and you need to be a man about your actions, and for 'borrowing' my supplies without asking," She said softly, brandishing the scissors. He grumbled and his hand slowly began to slide away from his beard and La Muerte watched, a reassuring smile on her lips when he suddenly bolted for the door, desperately trying to escape. She blew a breath of exasperation out of her nose and glared at her husband who was locked in. "Xibalba I will tie you down if I have to! Sit down now!" She snapped, now low on patience. He shook his head.

"No! La Muerte this is my dignity and it has been centuries since my beard has changed size, I won't look or feel the same!" He cried, trying to buy himself time. With a sigh she waved her hand and from the flowers on her beau came vines that grasped Xibalba and held him down, letting his wife settle beside him and begin to cut away hair. He fluffed his wings and struggled viciously but the vines held him tight. "La Muerte let me go! This is undignified for a powerful god such as me!" He snapped. She stayed silent and finally he grew still, shutting his eyes as he vividly imagined how awful his beard would look after she cut it. The snip of the scissors was all he heard before she stood up and waved her hand, causing the vines to let him go and for him to dart upright, giving her a glare. She merely gestured to her beau where a mirror sat,

"Take a look you coward," She muttered, making him furrow his brow and glance at the mirror, finding that yes his beard was cut and rather odd looking since he was so used to its normal length. However he didn't feel like it looked that bad. His wife stood beside him and smiled. "See? It wasn't so bad," However she was definitely not prepared as he swiftly grasped the scissors and snipped a lock of her hair, holding it in one hand, giving her a mischievous smirk.

"I wasn't bluffing mi amor," La Muerte gasped and stared at the lock in his gloved hand before shrieking.

"My hair!" Xibalba flashed a smug smile.

"See? It wasn't so bad," He mimicked, causing her eyes to burn with livid flames. He hastily undid the locked door and rushed out, causing a furious La Muerte to scream. "XIBALBA! YOU ARE DEAD AND SO HELP ME WHEN I CATCH YOU, YOU WILL PAY DEARLY!!!!" Before rushing after her husband, holding onto the lock of her dark black hair and the scissors. When Xibalba saw his wife brandishing the scissors like a weapon he gulped, only the book of life knew what she had in mind with him and those sharp shears. So he began to run with her right behind him. And why did hair matter so much to these two immortals? Well, since Xibalba and La Muerte weren't really alive their bodies didn't grow hair as quickly, which meant it could take years for a beard to grow an inch for them. And they rather liked their appearance and usually hated any change that would take long to undo since hair couldn't be grown rapidly for them either. However eventually they calmed down, or rather, La Muerte calmed down to find the damage wasn't too bad. A century or two later of course, they looked the same as before, Xibalba proud of his beard once again and La Muerte relieved that she no longer had to deal with his complaints. And what did Xibalba learn from all this? Well, he learned that cooking was dangerous and evil but eventually got to make, um, decent sugar skulls for his wife and made sure he used mortal sugar for any of his 'experiments' nowadays. And La Muerte enjoyed every single treat from her tricky husband.

Fin.