I'm begging you to

Chapter 13 - The interview

Before or after reading the chapter, you must watch the interview Agnetha did in Belgium in 1985 on the programme Mike, on which this chapter is based. I have also heard from some other people that they think there was something different or strange about Agnetha in this interview. What do you think? I would like to hear your theories. 🤭🤭

Here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sTl0wAUDWQ

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Agnetha had already spent a night in Belgium and was now sitting in the car that would take her to the show “Mike”. In the last week when she had been with her children, her album had finally come out. But she had not celebrated it in a big way. Of course, it was an event she was proud of and it distracted her a little from everything else, but she had decided to rather spend the days with her children. As soon as the promo tour started, she had to part from them again anyway.

She now stared out of the window without taking much notice of the houses and the landscape. Although she usually always did that and that was one thing that she did love about travelling. But right now it was all just rushing past her. When the car stopped at a traffic light, her eyes fell on a tree at the side of the road. It was still quite cold outside and it didn’t have many leaves. When a light gust of wind came, some of the leaves fell and Agnetha had a strange familiar feeling, as if she knew exactly which leaves and which tree it was. As if she had seen those particular leaves somewhere before. Like a distant memory that had almost been forgotten. And yet she could not have named the tree.

The car contined to drive and she noticed how she felt strangely disconnected from reality, as if she were merely an observer of her own life. It was as if she were wrapped in a thick layer of cotton, creating a barrier between her and the outside world. Her mind was a swirl of conflicting emotions, and her heart seemed to beat erratically in her chest.

She questioned whether accepting this interview was the right decision. Fear of confronting questions about ABBA and her personal life with the band gnawed at her, sending shivers down her spine. For over a decade now, she has had to hide her true feelings behind a façade of smiles and professionalism. And she had managed that. She had successfully concealed her emotions, ensuring that no one could get even a hint of the truth.

And if the Abba subject ever arose, she had a well-rehearsed response, a protective shield she would use to deflect unwanted prying.

Agnetha’s thoughts now wandered to the woman with the flaming red hair. Frida had also cut and dyed her hair. But she had already given herself the drastic haircut during the last Abba year. Alone. Before that, there had been many moments when she had asked Agnetha to help her dye - and sometimes even cut - her hair. Of course, they also had Lolo, their stylist and other people who made sure that the Abba women looked their best on stage. And yet, or perhaps because of that, they both always liked to take the liberty of doing things themselves. Where freedom was something they could enjoy less and less.

Agnetha also wondered if Frida would be watching the interview on television.
But would Frida really do that or want to? If she was seriously interested in Agnetha and their relationship again, wouldn’t she have contacted her again since the phone call? After all these years of silence and distance, would it even change anything? Would her presence in the media even affect her former bandmate at all? These thoughts tugged at Agnetha’s heart, churning up the unresolved feelings she had tried to bury deep within for far too long.

But then, as she ruminated over the possibilities, a sense of defiance welled up within her. Agnetha felt the urge to prove something, not just to the world but to herself as well. If Frida were to see the interview, she wanted to show her that she was doing just fine, that the past was behind her, and she had moved on. Maybe she would then call again. Or maybe not. It didn’t matter.

With newfound determination, Agnetha decided that she would face the interview with an air of nonchalance. She would be cool, composed, and maybe even humorous, all in an attempt to show Frida that she was unaffected by the past and that she hadn’t spent years pining over what could have been. Her resolve to display this façade was strong, and she convinced herself that she wouldn’t allow thoughts of Frida to occupy her mind during the interview.

“I won’t let her get to me. I won’t let her see how much she once meant to me,” Agnetha declared silently to herself.

As the car neared its destination, her breaths became deeper, and she mentally rehearsed her responses, crafting witty retorts to potential ABBA-related questions. She envisioned herself laughing off any mention of the band and evading any inquiries about her past relationships.

The anticipation of the interview mixed with her newfound determination, making her feel like a storm of conflicting emotions swirling inside her. Agnetha knew that this would be a challenge to maintain. But she was determined to put on a brave face and show Frida that she had moved on.

-

“And I wish I knew what I had to do to get into your life, to get close to you. But, baby, it’s a one way love.”

Agnetha was now standing on stage and presented the new song on her album. Her plan would only work if she didn’t think about what she was singing. And the fact that she was singing in English gave her the distance she needed. She sang these lines as if it was a happy carnival song. She laughed and performed as if she didn’t know exactly why she had wanted this song and what she was trying to process with it.

“And I don’t know how I can take the pain hurting over, and over, and over again and, baby, it’s a one way love.”

Normally, it was important for her to sing the songs in such a way that the message got through. That people realised that she knew what she was singing about. And that it meant something to her. But not today.
The song was over. The audience clapped and she smiled contentedly. After the performance, she had some time to retire and change before the interview began.

-

And there it was. The question she had been dreading, but knew would come. And yet, as she had resolved, she tried not to show any emotion and to simply answer the question as she had done several times before. When the question was answered, she unobtrusively took a deep breath in and out. The interviewer was satisfied with the answer and had moved on to a new topic, so he would certainly not ask again.

At a certain point he then asked for her producer Eric from 10cc who helped her write and choose the songs.
He casually asked Agnetha, “What’s your favourite song from 10cc?”

Caught off guard by the unusual question, Agnetha hesitated for a moment, her mind racing to find a suitable answer thinking about all of their songs. But then she immediately knew and replied within seconds, “I’m not in love.”

The interviewer raised an eyebrow, intrigued by her choice. “Is that true?” he inquired, his probing question catching Agnetha off guard. She hadn’t expected such a direct query, and it sent a shock through her system.

“What?” Agnetha responded, trying to conceal her growing nervousness behind a laugh. She hoped her surprise wouldn’t betray her emotions. She felt her pulse rise and she began to slide back and forth slightly in her chair.

But the interviewer’s next words hit her even more, “Last summer Frida told us...”

And at that moment she could no longer maintain her facade. Her laughter disappeared and she narrowed her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat, and her nervousness intensified even more. Did the interviewer know something? Did Frida reveal their secret to someone? Panic welled up within her, and she knew her carefully constructed façade was about to fully break. What was he getting at? What would he say now? Why had he now mentioned Frida in this context? It all happened in milliseconds, but to her it seemed like half an eternity. The fear of being exposed consumed her for a brief moment, but with all her might she quickly forced herself to regain her composure. Nervously, she licked her lips and tried to laugh, though it sounded uneasy.

“... that after all the solo projects, which she enjoyed very much also, she would like to make a new record with Abba. What about you?”

The interviewer didn’t seem to notice her unease. She was so relieved that she happily replied, “I don’t mind.”
For the first time in all these years she was glad that this question was only about Abba.