My Other Half

No time to die

"Ok..." I whisper anxiously, "Audrey and I... we like you. More than—well not as friends. I wasn't going to say anything given the... sensitivity of the situation but now that you'll be here full-time it's just not something I can hide" she tells me and I take a deep breath as my mind spins. "It's true" Audrey affirms simply which leaves no further room for doubt in my mind at least.

I should've seen this coming, it was so obvious when I think about it. Audrey being so emotional towards me and treating me the exact same as she does Billie, except for certain affections of course. All the kind words and cuddling that I thought was just pity. Then there's Billie, who's always been rather affectionate with me anyway but it's been different for the past few weeks.

She's been kinda up my ass, not that I mind, and again I thought it was that she was trying to protect me—which it was to an extent I know. Yet, all the extra things I didn't notice she did until now—like the staying back later in the mornings to make sure I packed lunch or coming home early to be here when I got home.

I could easily transmutate for these things and she knows that as well as I do but she did it anyway, just to show she cares. "Sweetheart?" my head snaps to Audrey and I realized I spaced out for a bit there. "Umm... I don't know what to say" I admit softly and Billie nods with an understanding look on her face but in her eyes I can see she's a bit sad too.

"I mean... it's complicated, you know? Of course I—feel things f-for both of you but..." "you're not over it yet. That's understandable" Billie says and I grimace at the vague mention of Cordelia. "It's not that, not really. It's just that I don't understand how this happened. I'm so... grateful for you both first and foremost—and it's been great having you guys I just-"

"You don't feel the same way..." Audrey sighs and I shake my head as I groan. "I'm not saying that. I'm trying to say that I- I'm just confused" I breathe out in frustration. "Confused on why we love you? Isn't it obvious? You're... Natalia; you're amazing and... funny and you just sort of fit with us, I think" Audrey says and I smile shyly as I repeat her words in my head.

My smile falls a bit and I bite my lip nervously as one particular word grabs my attention. "You love me?" I ask and Audrey blushes a bit as she realizes what she said. "Well... yes, would be the short answer. I can't speak for Billie but as for me... I've fallen in love with you while you've been here. I don't know how or why but I think... that's what makes it special? I don't feel the need to understand it because it just... is" she whispers, glancing at me every now and then.

"I've loved you for a long time now" Billie speaks up and my attention turns to her. "Maybe not... romantically but—we all know how the lines blur sometimes. With you being here with us... I guess those feelings just resurfaced? I've always felt like you were my other half—my better half—and us being such... friends it was enough, I guess, because in a way you were just my platonic soulmate—that's how I always saw it" she thinks aloud as she stares down at her hands and I just listen in shock.

"And I told Audrey about this when I first met her. That you and I have this sort of unexplainable connection that means a lot to me. Of course I'm dedicated to Audrey and I love her more than I can express at times, she knows this" she turns to the actress who smiles knowingly at her. "I've just been—in some form—attracted to you for... well since that day at the park" she tells me and I remember it vividly.

We had been friends for almost two years then and we decided to go for a walk on a little trail we'd happened upon. I got spooked by something in the bushes and I almost fell but Billie caught me. She held me tightly in her arms to keep me upright and I remember looking up into her eyes. She stared down at me with a serious face until she began to grin and it spread like wildfire.

We ended up laughing pretty hard about it, especially when I saw it was just a baby squirrel. That kind of became our thing, to walk that trail every weekend. We even marked the tree around the spot it happened. I thought it was the silliest, most cliche romance movie thing I'd ever seen but I also loved the idea when she suggested it.

Looking back, Billie and I's relationship had always been different in a way. All the things I didn't get to experience as a kid or teenager, I did with her. I never dated when I was younger, I just didn't have the time or energy honestly. So she would buy me things on Valentine's Day because I never did get that, considering my lack of a partner.

She would take me out to dinner on my birthday, spend holidays with me and hold my hand. We got mistaken for a couple plenty of times but neither of us minded. It kind of made me feel good that people thought that—that I could attract someone like her. Also the fact that it just proved we had such a strong connection, not that it needed validation from others because it was so clear in the energized air that's always present when we're together.

"You know... Cordelia always felt a bit weird about us" I tell her and she raises her eyebrows. "You and me, I mean. Even today she mentioned that I was staying here and I could tell it bothered her. I obviously told her it was none of her business... but I can't say she didn't have a point" I sigh. "I've felt the same way since that day too. It just never seemed like the right time and then you started dating Audrey and I fell in love with Delia... I just thought it wasn't meant to happen and sorta made myself ok with it, I guess" I say.

"Yeah... I get that" she whispers, "but if—if you both wanna try... I mean I'm willing to see how it goes. I'm just not sure..." I pause, at a loss for words to describe what I'm trying to say. "You're not sure if you can just start? Like... as if it's a race... you feel like we're already running and you're just getting in" Billie says and I nod thankfully.

"Don't worry about that. There's never 'perfect timing'. We're all kind of starting over in a way because you have to learn us just like we have to learn you. I mean you and I are close and Audrey and I are close... so I can help you both" the medium states confidently. "Are you sure?" I ask hesitantly, not wanting her to take all that on if she doesn't really want to.

"I would do anything for you and Audrey" she sighs dreamily and I bite my lip as my lips turn down while I try to fight a smile. "I suggest we go on a date. Maybe... to that restaurant you like! I've never tried that kind of food before" Audrey proposes to both of us, referring to the place I always order from when I want comfort food. "Sounds good to me. What do you think, bunny?" I just nod as I glance between them.

"Until then... can we cuddle and watch movies?" Audrey requests shyly, "I'd love that" I whisper. Billie takes the plates to the sink for later and I take Audrey's hand, leading her to the bedroom. Billie soon joins us and we all lay in the bed with me in the middle as we pick a movie. I end up moving though, sitting on Audrey's lap at her request and laying my head on her chest.

Billie gently traces shapes on my calf, occasionally massaging them throughout the film. I end up falling asleep, Audrey's arms securely around my waist making me feel safe. I start to hear whispering as I slip out of REM and enter a light state of sleep. "You didn't tell her..." I hear Audrey say and I furrow my eyebrows as my eyes try to open but I keep them closed.

"Well I couldn't exactly give her everything at one time" Billie argues, "but... do you think she even wants kids?" Audrey whispers sadly and that peaks my interest. "That's a good question, we never talked about it—I mean in theory of course but not actually" Billie answers, "she's young, Billie. W-what do I do?" the actress asks and I can tell she's anxious by her voice and also how her heart beats a little faster.

Her grip on me tightens a bit, not enough to hurt but just to ground herself. "Well... we will tell her—in time" Billie thinks aloud, "and when exactly is that? I can't really hide something like this" Audrey sighs exasperatedly. "I'll do it. She'll understand, she's never expressed a strong dislike of kids if that helps" Billie tries to reassure her but I can tell it does little to ease her worry.

"But she hasn't expressed a like for them either?" Audrey counters, "I mean... she's great with most kids but they're not hers—it's different. I don't know how she'll react but... I know her—you don't have to worry" Billie assures her. "Ok... just—tell her soon, ok? I have an appointment next month and I don't wanna have to lie to her" Audrey says and it all starts coming together.

She's pregnant...