Mended

Six

According to Hinduism, Danu is the goddess of water; the name and legend is mostly lost to Irish mythology, which is where Severus had assumed Black had learned of the name. Some sources claim Danu to be the same figure as Anu, the mother of Gods. Others believe her to be The Morrigan, the Phantom Queen. Whether she be the mother, the maiden, and the crone, the goddess of all, the mother of Danavas, or the harbinger of doom, death, and victory, he did not care. It simply did not matter to him. Her namesake was before him, and she was everything. She is his world. His past, present, and future. Her name will forever be linked to his, possibly for the rest of eternity. She will go down in history as being the secret lover of Hogwarts most hated Headmaster, surpassing even her great-great-great grandfather, Phineas Nigellus Black. Severus couldn't bring himself to say her name, even in his thoughts, it felt sacrilegious on his tainted tongue. He had let it slip from his mouth only once, and even that had been too much for his conscious to bear.

Severus could not understand why she stood by his side after everything he had done to her, everything that he had shown her in her memories. They had, to be honest, been an attempt to soften the blow of his death for her. The final memory, the one in which he murdered Albus Dumbledore, was deliberate. He had wanted her to be left with that; the knowledge that it had been his hand. He had hoped that it would be enough to push her to move on, find someone good for her.

He had always struggled with their age difference, that was no secret. Now, however, he found himself struggling with it more than ever. She should be finding herself, living her life without a husband nearly twice her age and child weighing her down.

Severus could feel her slipping from him. The way she hid her body as she stepped from the shower, something she had never done before. He saw it in the way she averted her eyes and stiffened ever so slightly when he would place his hands on her stomach. She no longer initiated intercourse, stopped herself from weaving her limbs with his in her sleep, and no longer placed her hand on the arm of the couch for him to trace with his own. He knew, of course, how pregnancy hormones effected women, but this was different. He was losing her, he knew it. Felt it in his soul, it was only a matter of time before she told him to leave. Every night she lie curled with that damn cat in their bed, whispering to it the way she used to whisper to him in bed. She told the cat often how much she loved it, but not him. The words hadn't left her lips against his skin in so long now that it felt like they had been a dream. He wanted to of course he did, he loved being inside of her, feeling her body react to his touch, her breath on his skin, she had obviously grown to despise him, just as he had wanted her to. That was before though, before he could admit that he loved her more than life itself.

Minerva had come to see him, apparently she came often while he lie there unconscious. She hadn't come back since he had woke, didn't even come to his wife's baby shower that Molly had thrown for her. Severus had hoped that she would come during the holidays. He knew firsthand how strenuous being a Headmaster was, possibly more so now that the war had ended. He wanted to speak to her, beg for her forgiveness, yet he could not bring himself to write to her. Potter came often, though not as much now that the novelty of him being awake wore off. Draco had come to the baby shower but would not speak to him. The last time his godson had spoken to him was the day he yelled at him for being a bastard to her. Severus was thankful, of course, that they had all rallied behind his wife, ensured she was taken care of, yet he felt such an intense rush of loneliness. His life had always been solitary, he had only himself to rely on, now though, he felt lost.

As January draws to a close, so does her patience with this pregnancy. Her temper is short, and hormones are raging. She was having such a hard time staying awake during the day but could get no rest at night as she curled her back against his chest and he placed his hands on her firm stomach, feeling their child squirm and roll within. She would tense as he placed his hand there, part of him wanted to extract his hand and never touch her again, if that's what she desired so badly, but he couldn't. The tenderness and optimism he felt for the life growing within her was much too strong.