Can't Let You Go - A Leonetta Fanfic

Chapter 5

"What makes you say that?"

The look on Federico's face told her that he knew exactly what she was doing and he decided to play along.

"Underneath Ludmila's anger, I catch glimpses of sadness in her eyes. I believe that she's suffering, and she's using her anger as a shield to hide the pain. Someone really close to her must have hurt her," he added softly. When Nata nodded, he said, "It must have hurt so much for her to decide not to care anymore."

Federico had not seen through Ludmila's mask; he had seen Ludmila without the mask, Nata thought. She had always known what was happening in her best friend's life and she remembered the day-a day she could not forget-when her best friend had finally snapped. It had been a different Ludmila standing in front of her. Nata had questioned the girl about her change in behaviour and Ludmila had simply said, "If we don't care, we won't get hurt."

Suddenly, Federico said, "I hate myself right now."

Nata frowned. Where did that come from? And did she just detect a hint of pain in his voice?

"Hey, why are you saying that?"

Federico raised his eyes to hers. "Before I left for my tour, I knew there was something wrong with her but I did nothing," he said and added bitterly, "Besides leaving, that is."

"You are wrong, Federico," Nata said, meaning it. "You didn't not do nothing. You asked me to take care of her..."

That was it, Nata thought. Her entire focus had been on Federico's promise that she had forgotten what had happened after he had asked her for it. Now she remembered. He had shouted Ludmila's name and when the girl turned around, he had said, "I'm not going anywhere, I'll be back."

And that was after Ludmila had rejected him. And she didn't know what else.

"You're never going to give up on her, are you?," she whispered.

"What?," Federico asked, frowning. Nata shook her head and he said, "I want to help her, Nata. First of all, I need to know what happened to her." But then he seemed to change his mind cause he quickly added, "No, don't tell me."

Nata frowned. If she was not going to tell him, then how was he going to know what happened to Ludmila? She was the only one who did. Unless... "You're not thinking of making Ludmila tell you, are you?"

He flashed her a grin. "That's exactly what i'm thinking."

Nata shared his optimism. Except...

"That's not going to work, you know?," she told him.

If Federico went to see Ludmila and told her she was suffering, her best friend would just laugh in his face and call it nonsense. And then she would push him away. Again.

Federico was on the same wavelength of thought as her cause he said, "She's not going to do something she's not already done, right?"

"Right," Nata muttered, agreeing.

Federico went on, " Before Ludmila can admit her feelings for me, she has to believe that she can trust me. And telling me what happened to her is a step towards that."

"You're not wrong there, Federico. Ludmila can trust you but it does not mean that she'll accept her feelings for you afterwards."

Federico frowned. "What do you mean?"

Nata took a pause before answering, "Ludmila thinks that she does not deserve to be loved." Federico took a deep intake of breath and Nata went on, "After you've gained her trust, what you have to do is convince her that she deserves to be loved. That she can be loved. And," Nata added softly, "that she is already loved."

Nata saw Federico's hands turn into fists and his face turn into an angry expression.

"Federico?... Are you okay?"

"What the hell happened to her?" his voice rising, his breathing hard. "How can she... how can she think something like that?"

"Federico..."

The guy shook his head, cutting her off. He rubbed his face with his palms and they stayed put, covering himself from forehead to chin. Nata figured that he was regaining his composure. It was the first time that she ever saw him like that.

"This can't keep going on," he said once he let his hands drop. "I can't let Ludmila suffer like this. This has to stop." He locked gazes with her and said, "Will you do something for me?"

Federico told her what she had to do and Nata said, "Federico?"

"Yeah?"

"Does it really matter if Ludmila doesn't feel the same way you do?"

Silence from him then, "Like I said, I can't think about that right now."

He said nothing more, the look on his face told her he was thinking and then he looked at her.

"I only want her to be happy, Nata. Whether that happiness includes me...or not..." he trailed off, looking away.

Nata smiled and shook her head. "She won't be happy without you Federico." He turned his head towards her and she added, "She loves you."

Federico winked at her and said, "I will believe that."

But like everyone else, he wanted to hear these words from the mouth of the person who counted.

As she watched him walk away, Nata had a sudden urge to talk to her boyfriend. But she could not go see him right now. She had Federico's work to do first. As she rummaged through her bag, she thanked the person who had invented phones.

"Hey baby," she said once Maxi had picked up.

And with her phone stuck to her ear, Nata continued her way towards Ludmila's house.