Desirable (mxm)

forty-nine; i will kill you

I flinch from the tone of his voice. I'm making it worse? I want him to be okay. I want my Milo back.

My hands slide around his jaw and I hold him to me. I feel my stomach clench. As much as I don't want to leave him, I don't want to push him away anymore. My fingers tremble around him, keeping a hold on those lifeless eyes. "I'll give you as much time as you want but don't punish yourself for wanting to be happy. I know you want to be with me and I promise you, whatever thoughts are telling you that you're not good enough, they're bullshit. Because you are, you're one in seven million, Milo. You are my one in seven billion."

"Please go."

"Don't make me go."

"I don't want you here! I can't think, I can't breathe with you in my space!"

"Then force me to go," I growl.

He clenches his jaw, eyes trembling. "If there is anything for us in the future, Nate. I need you to go and respect my choice."

Anything for us in the future? My heart stings.

"I don't want to leave you."

"I don't want you here." He says seriously, eyes narrowing.

I forget how to breathe. Fuck. The last thing I want is to push him away again and again to the point he despises me.

Milo's eyes flick between mine frantically, a thousand different emotions flashing past them in a second. I lean forward to press a kiss to his forehead because I don't know what else to do. I'm defeated. I'm losing sense of everything. "I'll be waiting for you," I whisper before kissing him one last time. "This isn't over. Not when you mean everything to me."

I reluctantly pull my arms away and Milo settles back into his bed. My limbs feel like cement, weighing me down as I stand. His eyes glance down at my damp cheeks which doesn't even explain what I'm feeling inside. It's a thousand times worse.

My head lowers and I walk towards his bedroom door. As soon as I touch the handle, I pause. I left him once, am I going to leave him again?

I glance over my shoulder, Milo is watching me. "Go." He demands.

So I leave because I don't want to make things worse like he said. I leave because he asked me to respect his choice. My heart stings, almost too painful to register.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I can hardly breathe. I hear footsteps approach and I look up to find Reign standing before me, eyes wide with concern. "How is he?"

I shake my head. She can tell by the look on my face. "Not good," I admit. "He doesn't want me here. But please get a doctor to check on him as soon as possible, even if he doesn't want it. He needs one. He's been through shit these last few days."

"Okay," she picks at the skin around her nails.

"And keep a close eye on him," my throat clenches. "I fear he might do something bad."

My chest squeezes at my own words. I want to be there for him but he wants me to go. What am I supposed to do? I can't force him to be with me.

She blinks rapidly. "Shit. Of course, yes. I'll be there for him."

Everett appears at her side and I'm not sure who looks worse, me or him. I glare at him because he's the reason Milo's mood took a turn. "Is he okay?" He asks genuinely, clearly missing the first part of our conversation.

I take one step closer to him, I don't mean to be intimidating but my natural bodily instincts take over. "I will never forgive you for what you said to him. I swear to God, if you ever do anything like that to hurt him again, I will fucking kill you. Do you understand me?"