Consuming thoughts-A book containing all of my deep thoughts about life.

CH.1. Is it worth it?

Sometimes I place my hand over my bed, thinking im hugging someone. I also interlock my fingers and after a while I think its someone's. Am I really that pathetic? Did I earned too much trauma? Or I just need a lover? There could be millions of answers to this. But out of them I choose one. I've had too much.
Sometimes People break like pencils when you put too much force on them. Some of them get fixed, some people just throw them in the trash and get new pencils, and some of them just stay broken and forgoten, almost the same like the ones in the trash bin. Is it not understandable? I Know. Mostly my thoughts aren't. But Why am I here? Do i have a problem? Maybe...Am i highly delusional? That could be possible. Do I need someone? Yes. Do i need Choso to exist? Yes. Just Don't be surprised when I hang myself up or run away from home. I am on the edge of throwing a tantrum. I Know, Childish. But what should I do then? Anime and songs can't save me 'til my death. The question is: Is it worth it? To just throw everything Away, your family?..wait, bullshit. I Don't need them. I am slowly losing track of my thoughts too, Everyday i get more insane, i can't believe it. How pathetic of Me. I could just stand up and slap back to life. I **could** but I am not doing it. Why? Good question, I Don't know the answer.