I wake up with a startle.
It's pitch black.
Lying on my side in bed, I'm sweating, and I feel tears rolling down my pillow.
Another one of those nights where I won't be able to go back to sleep...
I check the time on my clock:
3:30 am
The same time again
Only 30 minutes left before he comes home
I lie on my back and exhale heavily, emptying my lungs of their air.
I close my eyes, and like every night for the past 5 months, memories rush in and hit me violently, widening the gaping hole in my chest even more...
I was in college the first time I met him. He was bright, cheerful, always surrounded, and thanks to my friend Libby who knew him, I got to get closer to him.
I loved him and didn't hesitate to let him know...
I often gave him gifts
Chocolates for Christmas
Roses for Valentine's Day
Perfume for his birthday
He thanked me every time, but his smile didn't reach his ears.
Not like when he saw Grace
Grace who wears her name so well
Grace whom everyone loves
Grace whom his wealthy family forces to marry a man they've chosen...
I'm somebody you touch, but never hold
Upon Libby's death due to a car accident towards the end of the year, I was devastated. I lost my only friend, my confidante, the one who bridged the gap between him and me.
On the day of her funeral, Grace, him, and I were present, standing side by side.
I was crying so much that my legs gave way under me, and I fell onto him. Or rather, I should have fallen onto him if he hadn't gently pushed me away. He then simply patted my shoulder for a few seconds.
On the other hand, when Libby's body was laid to rest and Grace burst into tears, he took her in his arms and stroked her hair, his chin resting on her head.
I watched the scene in silence, heart and mind empty.
From that moment on, I was alone, and not wanting to lose him too, I went out of my way to get him interested in me and to love me as I loved him...
I'm somebody you call when you're alone
I'm somebody you use but never own
Another memory comes back to me.
I was on my couch when I received a call. I was enjoying the last moments with my sister, whom I hadn't seen for a year and who was returning to Ireland barely 2 hours later. In his call, he told me he urgently needed me, so I said goodbye to my sister and quickly drove to join him.
Bastard
He was at a party where he was bored. His friends were all drunk, and none of them could take him home.
He got into my car, asking me to take him home, but at the last minute, he received a message that made him smile.
He then cast me a charming glance- the glance I was ready to do anything for - and asked me to drop him off at Grace's.
Grace.
Grace who was alone at home that night...
I know I'm not the one you really love, I guess that's why I've never given up
On Grace's wedding day at the Royal Banquet in San Diego, he and I were present, but I could see in his red-rimmed eyes and forced smile that he would have preferred not to be there.
When Grace approached us, I offered her a gift - an expensive vanilla perfume, her signature. She thanked me with a smile, then approached him and hugged him.
When they finally broke away from each other, he signaled for us to leave, and without a word, I accompanied him back to his place.
After that, he returned to his old self, smiling, playful, partying, and cheerful. If Grace's marriage to someone other than him had hurt him, he didn't show it.
15 dozen roses
For Valentine's Day shortly after, I had booked a hotel room that I had covered with rose petals, and I managed to get him there without him suspecting anything.
I then expressed my feelings to him, asking him to go out with me.
He looked me in the eyes, gave me a charming smile, and replied with these three simple words: "Let's get married"
That's what we did. And finally, finally, he became mine, even though I often feel that he doesn't think of me in the same way...
I open my eyes and look at my shining wedding ring in the darkness, reflecting the external light.
I hear the key turning in the lock of our apartment.
Exactly 4 am
I pretend to wake up, and I hear him undressing quickly and slipping under the sheets, at a respectful distance from me.
Physically present but mentally absent, as always...
"Sorry, I had something important to do again," he says to me.
"I know."
Yes, I know.
I've known for 5 months now.
You always have something "important" to do that prevents you from staying with me.
Because even without your clothes, every night I feel the scent of vanilla clinging to your skin...
"The only thing that's harder than sleepin' alone
Is sleepin' with your ghost"
أنت تقرأ
Whispers of Fading Roses
القصة القصيرةAll the good things have an end... *** A boy mourning the loss of his girlfriend, a woman replaying the film of her life, another whose beloved chooses someone else... This is a collection of short stories from around the world, where the endings ar...
