𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 ; 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐔𝐍-𝐇𝐄𝐄

𝟎𝟏: 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐋

But no matter how hard I tried to ignore them and carry on with my life, they would take any chance to torment, embarrass and hurt me wether it was mentally or physically. Because of this, i was forced to keep my opinions and thoughts to myself no matter how badly I wanted to speak up. Being bullied left a heavy impact on my self esteem, confidence, mental health and social wellbeing. It was so bad, it lead me to anxiety, depression and thinking my interests were not valid. I thought if i stayed silent, i would be able to avoid further bullying and abuse. Oh how wrong i was.

Because they took my silence as a push to continue on. They knew I couldn't fight back because i'm weak. I lacked courage, strength and determination to fight. I'm easily influenced, made fun of and provoked. As someone who can't stand up for myself, i'm vulnerable and naive. Easily fooled. Something i hate about myself. But Who am i kidding? What is there to not hate about myself?

I grew being neglected by my parents. I would always feel unloved, undervalued, and unsupported instead of having the attention any other child would. Their lack of care made it difficult for me to form healthy attachments and to trust others, making me an outcast. I yearned for even just an ounce of love and support my entire childhood.

But you don't always get what you want now do you?

As the years went on, I would continue to be tormented and harmed by them who would only get more and more violent as they age. I don't understand what pleasure they receive in my suffering but everyday i plead and pray in my head for them to stop, For them to leave me alone. Maybe if i used my voice like i wished to , things would be different.

My Determination was taken away

My spark was taken away

Everything was taken away by them.

Sometimes i think back to those days, and wonder what would have happened if i had just told them to stop. Would they leave me alone? Would they realise that i'm not a prey for them to hunt and torture? Maybe they would notice i'm not as weak as they though i'd be. If i had just defended myself and not proven my self as someone that can be manipulated and controlled easily.

But no matter how hard you regret, nothing will change.

So i chose to run away thinking i could escape from their evil laughs, from their sinister gazes and from their endless harming. But This only proved me to be more of a coward than i already was. I shifted schools to Yooil High school in an attempt to start over and recover from my depression but just as i thought things were going well.. they found me. I was simply just walking down the alleyway after studying in school and had run into them smoking and playing around with each other. By that i mean making out.

My heart started pounding in my chest from the fear and anxiety as they shifted their gazes towards me. I dropped my books as a wave of emotions hit me like an unexpected tornado on a sunny, perfect day. I felt my hands shaking, my eyes widened and petrified as thoughts and memories of them brutality beating me up, sexually assaulting me and embarrassing me flooded my head. My throat was getting dry and my breathing had gotten shallow.

I gulped nervously as Jo jae-jun smirked mischievously upon glancing at me, sinister in his cold, dark brown eyes like bitter coffee on a Sunday night while doing your almost due essays and homework. "What a surprise." He laughed almost immediately when he noticed my terrified expression. I was sure my face had gotten pale from his amused cackle. Thats when i knew it.