Long Way Home | ✔

V

Two weeks before Star fall, we were all having dinner in one of the open terraces as it was a clear night. Nesta and Elaine weren't present, since they were at their former estate in the human world for some work.

There was the usual chatter and bickering going on, and I was laughing at something Feyre said when my eyes landed on Azriel.

I didn't understand why it was that moment. Maybe it was because I had finally accepted my feelings for him, or maybe it was destined by fate. Or maybe it was because Elaine wasn't there to draw his gaze. Nevertheless, in that moment, I knew.

"Mate." I said in a low voice.

The chatter died down, the rest of the table's eyes on us. I noticed a slow, weak pulse within me, a bond that connected me to him. I could see in his eyes that he was aware of it too.

I didn't know what to think, I never thought that this moment would come to be.

I was still trying to untangle my thoughts when he abruptly stood up. His expression had gone blank. We all watched as he recalled his shadows towards himself as he strode down to the terrace wall and jumped, flying away.

There was a long stretch of silence, broken by Amren. "What a fool."

Cassian slapped a hand to his forehead. "Az..."

Well.

I stood up on shaky legs, my face burning hot. The weak pulse of the bond went even weaker as he flew away from me. I had never thought that we would be mates, and what's more, he would reject me like this. Feyre and Rhys were looking at me with the pity I didn't want.

"Goodbye, then."

I turned on my heel and ran to my quarters. Grabbing the last of my things, I threw them in my satchel and wore it over my shoulder. When I turned to leave, Rhys was in the doorway.

"Y/n, please. Stay," he implored. "He's just a little confused, that's all."

"Oh please," I tried to walk out but he blocked the exit.

Taking a deep breath, I looked him in the eye. I had not started crying. Not yet. Not here, not now. "Rhysand, if you've ever once cared about me, please let me go."

He stood there for a moment longer, but moved eventually. I knew how to winnow myself to other places, but it required a focused and calm mind, neither of which I had at that moment. In the end, Rhysand flew me to my house in the city as per my request.

When I unlocked the door, father wasn't there. I lit a few lamps and took a seat at the kitchen table. I wrote him a letter where I explained everything that had transpired and my intention to go to the villa that very night. I put the letter in an envelope and left it on the table for him to see.

After it was done, I extinguished the lamps and sat there in the dark, the satchel on my lap. Closing my eyes, I took slow, deep breaths and brought my mind to a state where I could focus on winnowing. Soon enough, the darkness felt changed and I was in the living room of the villa.

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This property wasn't fully developed when it had been passed down to my father. He hadn't taken much notice of it either, but after we both healed from our wing scars, we lived here for many years before he started practising in Velaris.

In those years, we demolished the ramshackle wooden structure and built a two story villa suffused with maintenance magic. Following that, we developed the surrounding area with lush fruit orchards, vegetable rows and flower bushes. A convenient stream flowed all year round, fed by the glaciers of the tallest mountains. It fed our gardens and flowed into the taps through pipelines.

I sat on the sofa in the living room for a while, empty and exhausted. The sconces on the walls were lit the moment I appeared, and there was not a speck of dust or cobweb in sight. The night was cold, and the villa's temperature heated up to a comfortable warmth that settled lovingly on my shoulders.

I smiled, feeling glad to have built this villa. It took better care of me than my own mate.

Keeping the satchel on the table, I stood up and walked upstairs. In this floor, there were two bedrooms and two bathrooms, built separately for me and father when we stayed here together. Each bedroom had its own large balcony, too.

Inside my bathroom, I stripped off my clothes and turned on the tap for hot water to fill into the bath. The tub was sunken into the floor, with a window carved into the wall beside it to look into the view outside. After my bath, I crawled underneath the bed covers, where my tears finally began to flow. 

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