A Lords love |Gerard Walseworth|

An old failure - Chapter 11

London, England 1804

Gerard had lost all sense of time. The days blended into one, and he had no concept of how long he had been in his room, alone. The only thing he noticed was the change in the outside world. The trees outside his dorm went from weak leaves to vibrant, fully grown ones. The same repetitive pattern of Gerard every day life went over and over the world, never halting for a moment to allow Gerard to catch a peaceful moment. It was always wake up, go to class, sit idly staring out the window not taking in any information, go to lunch, attend more classes, come back to his dorm and stay there till the morning nursing a glass or two of whisky and the nights he did leave his dorm but that would only be the nights him, Benedict, Thomas, and Charles would sneak down to the local village to drink. It was a constant state of bliss when Gerard was intoxicated it seemed all this bubbling anxiety and wallowing would fade away when he felt the slight buzz of booze in his system and of course the next morning he would awake with baggy eyes, a sharp shooting pain in his head and a sprint to the boys' lavatory to throw up.

The Walseworth boy laid on his narrow bed, the red fitting sheets barely staying on, his side of the dorm was cluttered and dirtier than usual, even dirtier than Benedict's. He stayed in the small dorm room, feeling rather lonely, a common feeling for the teenagers. Benedict was off at some art class and god knows where Charles and Thomas were, he didn't bother to check. And with the passing day, Gerard's thoughts had wandered to the friends and family back home they often did, and many of these thoughts were ones he never wanted to have. Gerard sighed, rolling off the bed, walking over to the small window that overlooked the school's yard. He knew everyone else was at lunch right now, yet he still stared out idly at the filled courtyard. Students could be seen in the yard, some carrying books, others engaging in friendly conversations. Even Gerard's dormitory was filled with the sounds of teenagers talking and laughing, His dorm, on the other hand, was silent and empty. The boy went back to his bed, looking at the wall, the many layers of paint slowly chipping and peeling away at corners. Maybe they were picked at, or they simply failed to stay up themselves ?

"Are you still rotting in here ?" Benedict walked in, throwing his bag on the floor, "And how was your day ?" Gerard muttered to Benedict, who just smiled, "more naked women and a man actually today, very, very hairy I will say." Benedict answered, making Gerard chuckle, "but it was all good and let me guess you just stayed in here all day not bothering to move or do anything ?" Benedict stared at Gerard who laid on his messy bed, "have you still not done this ?" Benedict walked over to Gerard's desk, seeing a couple of missed assignments, "it's only Mr Wellington, he won't even care about it." Gerard rolled his eyes at his friend all of a sudden care for studies "you haven't just missed Mr Wellingtons though you've missed multiple assignments. I turned round in class the other day and saw you drawing on the table, Gerard, and as much as I wanted to see your caricature, it's not much like you to do such a thing." Benedict spoke. "It's all fine, I'm still ahead in class. I think I deserve a break after working my arse off for the past four years, Bridgerton." Gerard stood from his bed walking over to the desk and grabbing the blank papers moving them out of his friend's view, "what wrong are you scared you won't have no one to plagiarise off ?" Gerard asked, his tone sounding more harsh than he attended too, "what ?" Benedict threw his friend a look, "nothing." The Walseworth boy shook his head, throwing the paper on his bed before sitting down beside it, taking a quick glance at the empty pages.

Benedict was right, of course he was, but Gerard wouldn't recognise such things he didn't want to. He was finally able to feel more comfortable. More free. In the past few weeks and now all of a sudden, he's a bad student... a bad person even ? For what ? Acting like Benedict himself ? It was pure shit.

"Are you coming to dinner ?" Benedict asked, snapping Gerard out of his thoughts and for a moment Gerard paused at his friend's question, "uh... no... you can go ahead I'm just going to stay here for a moment." Gerard's fingers intertwined with each other as he rested them on his white crumpled shirt, "okay." Benedict looked round the room once more before allowing his eyes to fall on his friend. Gerard could feel the Bridgerton boy studying him like always, a common flaw of Benedict's "I shall see you later then ?" Benedict spoke, and it sounded like more of a reminder than a question, "yeah." Gerard's eyes stayed on his crossed legs dangling from his small bed that he'd outgrown in the past couple of years. Benedict gave a small nod, one that Gerard had caught out the side of his eye before leaving the boys' shared dorm.