Origin

Chapter 4

Maryse arrives in front of the building 30 minutes early. She likes to be early. The weather is still fine today, but rain is expected in the evening. May is one of his favorite months. She dressed for the occasion in black fluid pants and a white blouse. She took some time to choose her outfit yesterday afternoon in a boutique in the centre. She has lost a lot of weight in recent months.

Maryse has never had a perfect weight either she displays ten extra kilos, or a silhouette a little skeletal. A perpetual yoyo without her paying attention to her food. She also takes little pleasure in eating.

After his marriage, boredom, the obligation to cook and the various family meals had made her take two sizes. Today, she lost at least three.

She's not used to getting ready either. Jean sweater or wide jogging and sweater are his outfits all black and gray, or dark blue sometimes with also a little white.

She raised her brown hair also for the occasion in a kind of bun that she would have liked better. Crazy locks escape at her great displeasure. She also put on a golden brown eye shadow that brings out the shine of her hazel eyes, a little mascara and a touch of iridescent gloss. She bought everything yesterday.

She hasn't worn makeup since her wedding day.

The almost immaculate white building where she have is interview is two stories high. On the ground floor, there is a bike rental and repair company. On the left door, at the doorbells, the "Oceanbooks" plate. It's ostentatious, discreet.

It's in a parallel street to the promenade in front of the sea, there are two rows of buildings before the ocean.

Maryse came by car, every time she takes the car she has a sense of freedom. Before Jean-Guillaume, she drove her old Citroën C3 but after the wedding her trips were by public transport or on the passenger seat. She no longer had the right to decide for herself what direction to take.

She still ruminates her thoughts while one rays of the sun illuminate the 2nd floor.Or rather something lights up the 2nd floor, as if...

No, it must be a lamp. She feels like... She tries to look better, but the phenomenon has disappeared. She had, for a split second, the impression that lights had as if touched the building and went inside.

In the bike shop, a man observes her on the other side of the window. As soon as he notices that she is looking at him in turn, he turns around and goes to the back.

A dozen or so bicycles are in front of the door. It's a strange street for this business. It's not a particularly busy street. But it's not his problem. The matter of the day is to sucess to have a job, even just an occupation. That is the big deal today.

Maryse has sweaty hands. She knows that when she goes into the building she's going to be tried. The judgment scares her. She doesn't like to be judged. It always brings her back to times she doesn't want to relive. She knows she's not going to have that job, she doesn't have the ability. She suddenly feels desperate. In her old job, however, she had learned over the years and she had managed to keep her figure. She feels like a weather vane passing from moments when she is tyrannical towards herself and others. This tyranny is understood most of the time as an overconfidence while trust is a word that is absent from her. She knows how to convince. Finally, she believes. And there are those other phases where she leaves the little she can store in each other's hands becoming a mindless doll just to be loved.

She thinks a lot, too much. A car is speeding down the street. She still has time. Last night, she came up with two ideas. Yes, she hasn't slept. The first, after the interview, she intends to put an ultimatum to her "saviors". The obligation to show themselves. In fact, either they show themselves once and for all where ... The problem is there. The notion of trying something now that might turn her into glassy eyes scares her. But without them she is completely alone. She can no longer be alone. Her second idea is to go to a shrink, but she's afraid of being locked up or put on a pill. She's already imagining the first date. « I tried to kill myself eight times, but each time, ghosts come to save me. I think it's because I was thrown in a garbage can at birth. No, no, I swear doctor !! Ghosts save me." Anyway, she was gonna end up in a straitjacket.