Desirable (mxm)

forty-five; accepting his fate

Tears roll down my cheeks when the message disappears into thin air. I tremble and shake my head, I try again anyway.

Nate. Please. Oh God. I don't know where I am. I'm panicking. I can't breathe. The silver, it's digging into my skin. Fuck. Please. Help me. Please.

I can't stop sobbing. My body rattles in the limited space and the air somehow begins to get tighter and tighter. I feel my stomach roll over with nausea, although I can't remember the last time I ate.

What fucking day is it? How long have I been here? How the fuck did I get here?

I can't remember a single thing.

My cries become louder and this time I thump on the wood above me and thrash, scream. I do everything I can to attract attention but a part of me realises that I'm alone. No one can hear me.

Everett. I need help. Please fucking help me. I'm going to die. Fuck. I'm going to die.

Every mindlink I send to Nate, Everett, Reign, Fran, they all vanish into nothing as if no one is on the receiving end of it.

"Help me," I scream. "HELP ME!"

The sound of my own voice echoes in my ears. It's so silent here that my own screams are eerie and make me shudder at the intensity of them. It aches. Everything aches.

I pound on the roof harder until my fists begin to bruise. I attempt to use all the strength left in me but nothing budges, nothing moves. I am officially stuck and I can't swallow that thought down.

I thrash and I squirm in the box, using every last drop of energy I own to only end up screaming in frustration. No one is coming. No one will save me and I can't get out.

My shaky hands raise to my face, the bound silver making my skin tender. I attempt to wipe away my tears that cloud my vision but they don't stop falling.

Oh God. Maybe I deserve this. I'm here because I deserve this.

Then I gasp suddenly remembering a spark of a memory.

The committee gathering. Everett sprouted those vicious and nasty words in my direction, blaming me for Reign not recovering. That I am nothing. Worthless. I whimper when I remember going to Nate's. I was acting like someone that even I don't recognise.

I hurt him because I wanted to forget. I wasn't thinking like a mate. I was desperate for him in ways that weren't fair. He wanted to talk. I wanted his clothes off. It shouldn't have been like that.

That's when I found myself getting drunk and heading over to Apollo's house to see him. I didn't even remember he was having a party. I just had to see him, speak to a friend but I was a mess. Crying like I am now.

Fuck. I clench my eyes together. The memories are too much for me.

But then I pry them open and I flick them through the darkness. Henry. He was there.

Flinging himself at me left, right and centre. But I was having none of it.

I didn't want to be there for the sex. I went there because Apollo is my only other friend.

Everything else is a blur. I can't remember past that point. Probably the alcohol and god knows what else was in my system. I wanted to forget. I wanted to get Everett's horrid words out of my head for a single second.

I always fuck everything up. That's what I do.

"No no no no," I chant to myself and shake my head. "Oh fuck, oh fuck."

Nate. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Fuck.

For what feels like hours I bang and scream and make as much noise as possible but it's no use. I'm fucked. I'm going to fucking die here.

My eyes sting from how hard I've been crying.

I'll never see Nate again. My heart lurches.

And the last memory I have of him is a bad one. A really bad one.

I never got to do so many things with him.

I never got to tell him that I love him. That I fell in love with him practically straight away.

It was hard not to. He's perfect. The man I've always dreamed of.

He was always the one. The only one. Now I'll die without even confessing it.

My nose blocks and I release an awful groan through my mouth, tears and saliva everywhere. I can't stop choking, sobbing.

I'll never see Everett or Fran or Reign again.

I'll never be the person I wanted to be.

After my energy has been spent and I feel nothing but an empty soul. I slump back against the hard wooden ground and stare up at the roof of the box around me.

Maybe this is for the best. Death is claiming me because I'm a waste of a person.

Maybe this is the world telling me that I'd be better off dead.

Everyone's lives will benefit from me not being around anymore.

At least I'll finally be reunited with my mum. That's the only positive out of this. I've missed her. I've missed her so damn much. I can't wait to walk into her arms and give her a big hug. For her to tell me that everything is going to be okay.

For a moment I feel at peace. Accepting my fate. I'm not scared anymore.

My heart beat slows and I take a sharp breath.

As my eyes shut one last time, I tell myself this is okay.

I don't have to cause anyone else any pain anymore. I don't have to suffer anymore.

And I let myself slip away.

♥ ♥ ♥

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Author's Note

HOW MANY OF YOU HATE ME RIGHT NOW

Poor baby Milo🥺. Of course he never cheated on Nate. I've always said (and if you've been here from the start since His Second Chance you'll know) I'll never write about cheating because to me it's unforgivable!!!

The pain that he's in, saying that he'll see his mother. UGH. I can't.😭😭😭

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SEE you next Thursday heheh I feel so evil

Love Savanna x

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