Desirable (mxm)

forty-three; broken trust

But right now the thought of food makes me nauseous. Forcing a meal down my neck isn't something that appeals to me right now, not when things aren't settled with Milo. My stomach flips and I know there is no way I'll be able to keep anything down.

"Hey," Viola smiles at me as I stand in the kitchen, watching the pack pick from the never ending food on the counter and tables. "You okay? You don't look so good."

I shake my head. "I'm fine."

Her concerned expression spreads as she tilts her head down to flash me a look that I want to ignore. "Okay," she says after a few moments. "Come eat."

My hand raises to scratch the back of my head. "I'm not really hungry."

Viola huffs out a breath and places her hands on her hips. "Fine," she grumbles. "Least come over and sit with us."

I merely nod and follow my sister as she walks towards Imogen, Elin and Zade. My eyes flash over them and I spot Elin glance at me and then blink quickly, he turns to Zade and then they both look at each other. Something flashes in their gaze, expression turning to a look of discomfort.

My brows scrunch up at the weird exchange. I perch on the bench opposite them and try my hardest to ignore the stench of the fresh cooked breakfast because my stomach is still rolling inside of me.

"What's up with you two?" I mutter and they finally turn back to me.

Zade's mouth is parted as if he doesn't know what to say. Elin chews on his lip, sliding a hand against his temple. It's obvious something is wrong, it's also obvious that they want to say something and they're not fucking saying it.

I'm too tired for this shit. Far too tired.

"Come on," I encourage them. "Get on with it."

Elin leans over the table and shakes his head. "Nate," he starts. "Maybe we should go somewhere else so we can tell you this."

My whole expression changes. "Tell me what?"

"Nate," Zade says my name and I wave my hand at him.

"Tell me what?"

"Let's go outside."

I shake my head and flick my eyes between them so quickly I almost give myself whiplash. My heart is thumping so hard in my chest that I can feel it in my throat, if I thought I felt sick before. I feel fucking nauseous now.

"Tell me now."

Elin glances at Zade, fear floating through his eyes. "Alright," he sighs and lowers his head for a second before meeting my gaze. "After the committee gathering, we went over to Apollo's party. And... and–"

My nostrils flare because I want them to get to the fucking point before I blow. "And what?"

Zade closes his eyes and inhales slowly. "Milo was there," he says, finally opening his eyes to hold my stare. "He was drunk and upset. We tried to go and speak to him but he didn't want to be near us, he didn't want to talk."

The heaviness of the world slams into me like a bulldozer.

I can't see. I can't even fucking breathe.

Milo went to a sex party after seeing me? My stomach lurches and I wrap my hand around my mouth. Fuck. I don't want to throw up but I feel like I'm seconds away from doing so. Pressure begins to build behind my eyes and I shake my head. No, this can't be real. This can't be real. He wouldn't do that to me... would he?

He promised me he wouldn't go back to them. Not now that he's met me.

I'm staring at the table, running a thousand different scenarios through my head. What if he... what if he got with someone else? A single tear rolls down my cheek and I rush to wipe it away before pressing it into the table.