The Queen Of Rajvansh | #1 Of The Regime Series

17 | Deep Rooted Pain

"It's not like that Abhi your parents love you it's just that they are busy" His grandmother tried to get him to beleive her but he shook his head immediately .

"You are lying, they don't love me papa told me many a times that he hates me" The Little fiver year old screamed as tears trickled down his eyes , his lips wobbled as his Little body shook as he felt himself choking on his breath and the old man immediately pulled him closer being completely helpless trying everything he could to do anything to everything for his grandson to someone lessen up the pain and give the love he deserved.

.•🥀•.

"Bhaiya why did Maa and papa not come in my ptm" A little 7 year old Shivangi asked tucking on her 17 years old eldest brothers arms and Abhiraj looked at her with a small smile "it's not Shivi just they were busy bacche" Abhiraj said as he slowly caressed her hairs with his hands while the other one carried her bag and Shivangi frowned saying "they are always busy first dadu used to come for the ptm and now you they never attended any ptm" and Abhiraj felt his heart twist as he looked at her and sat down on his knees kissing her forehead gently as he said "Why are you even thinking about it am I not enough and how does it matter if they do it or me" and Shivangi nodded as he picked her cheeks saying "why don't we get you your favourite ice cream" and she immediately nodded with a smile ranting about the flavours she would like to eat while he smiled lost in his own thoughts yet somehow managed to hear what his sister wanted .

(Brother why did mom dad not attend my ptm)

.•🥀•.

"Papa brought this for me" Heard a 10 year old sitting lonely in the school garden while others continued playing simply post into space and engulfed in nothingness. His tierd slowly moved up towards the boy who proudly showed his new watch to his friends that had cartoons printed over it and he felt a bitter chuckle escape his lips.

He beleived it was his mistake.
Beleived he was the one not deserving their love.
Maybe he was not a good son.
He tried , tried everything he could to stay near his parents' to spend some time with them but everytime was either pushed away or yelled at and worse sometimes even beaten by his drunk father.

He had tried everything he could to gain their attention and appreciation.
He left everything and his usual cheeky self away thinking his parents did not like it , left playing guitar piano because his mother did not like it.
Left everything back for them , to gain their attention wanting to be the son they wanted .

Maybe wishing silently to someday get a single smile from his mother when she looked at him or maybe a part from his father when he saw the report card. He wanted his parents to visit his school at ptms too wished for them to treat him with his favourite food when he got good grades.

He wanted and craved for that little part of affection the others had . He wanted the beautiful hugs filled with affections too but maybe he never was good enough and maybe he never would be.

And suddenly one day ;
He stopped Trying.

.•🥀•.

Closing my eyes , I let the pain slowly consume me and gulped trying to sync and busy down all those memories; memories that haunted me .

Pain no there wasn't any left in me.
Tears no they had dried up long ago.
Longing, no I never understood what I was longing for .
I felt nothing just a feeling of hallowness consumed me and I felt myself lacking breath; taking a few deep breaths i immediately opened the collar buttons of my shirt and gulped trying to get my own thoughts and soul at rest as I tried to find the darkest corner of my heart to bury them all , to hide them all in a corner.