I'm A Marionette

Chapter 3.

"I'm what?".

"The test says you're pregnant too" Anna said and handed it to her.

Frida quickly grabbed it and saw the two lines with her own eyes. "No no no, this can't be happening" she said as she frantically ripped open three more tests and dipped them into the cup.

"Frida this is a happy thing. Why are you acting like this?" Anna asked as Frida looked at the three new tests. They all shown positive. Frida threw them into the sink out of anger and slid down the bathroom wall. The thought of having another baby made her sick.

"Frida" Anna said as she kneeled down. Frida ignored her.

"Anni-Frid".

Still nothing.

"Anni-Frid Synni Lyngstad!" Anna said and Frida looked up at her.

"No one calls me that" she huffed through tears.

"Well you wouldn't answer me" Anna said and sat down next to her. "Why are you acting this way? You can tell me". Frida started to cry heavier and held her knees to her chest. Anna had never seen her this way before. She looked so vulnerable.

"If I keep this pregnancy it's a death wish" she whispered.

"What do you mean? Being pregnant won't kill you Frida".

"I can't have another child. Lotta's birth almost killed me. I hemorrhaged and had to have blood transfusions. I was in the hospital for two weeks and they thought I was going to die. They told me if I ever had another baby again they weren't sure if I'd survive it. And I'm scared to give birth again. I was alone both times. I had no one to hold my hand and their father couldn't be bothered to even be there".

"Why did you never tell me this?".

"I try to forget about it myself. It was a very traumatic and painful experience".

Anna scooted closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. "I know you're scared but if anyone can do this it's you. And you won't be alone. If Benny isn't there I will be, I won't let you do it alone. I will hold your hand. You are the strongest woman I know. You're so brave and you have a heart of gold. You are kind and smart and beautiful" She said and made Frida touch her belly. "And your little gumdrop in there loves you. I can't make you keep your baby Frida, it's up to you whether you keep or abort. I support you no matter what you do or chose. But that baby is innocent and loves its mommy".

Frida burst into tears.

"Why would you accuse me of killing my baby?".

"Frida I'm not accusing you. I'm just stating the options you currently have. You act like you don't want this baby".

"I have massive amounts of guilt already, I don't need anymore" Frida said as she wiped tears from her face. "Why do you have so much guilt?".

"I had a baby and I left her when she wasn't even two. Lise-Lotte didn't deserve what I did to her. I'm eaten by guilt every time I look at her. I'd rather die than have the thought of her feeling unloved again. I'm just now trying to fix our relationship and bringing another baby into the world will make it worse. I've pushed her away and ignored her so much Anna. She's closer to you than me and I'm her momma. She will hate me and I'll loose her forever".

Agnetha was speechless, she didn't really know what to say. "Frida I'm sorry Lise-Lotte and I are close. I'll distance myself from her. But you can't let your past eat at you. What happened has happened and you can't change it. It's not fair to yourself that you worry everyday. You need to talk to her about how she feels about a baby. She might love the idea. You don't know until you talk to her".