Jidderh (On Going)

chapter 20

As I sat on my bed contemplating the milestone of turning 18, my thoughts turned to the bittersweet absence of my parents. I longed for their presence, especially during such an important time in my life. Tears welled in my eyes, yet I fought to brush them away, determined not to let sorrow consume me.

In the midst of my emotions, the image of Ya Moh and Feesa crossed my mind. It puzzled me how seeing Ya Moh's photo always brought a sense of comfort, though I couldn't explain it.

But then I scolded myself, reminding that Ya Moh would never choose me over someone like Feesa, who was not only studying abroad but also wealthy. I couldn't help but wonder what made Ya Moh so special, considering he had better options.

"You haven't made him jittery, why the feeling? My subconscious remains unsettled," I muttered to myself, feeling overwhelmed.

More tears began streaming down my cheeks as I felt totally confused. I needed to talk to someone, and my mind immediately flashed to Teema. She's my only bestie.

Reaching for my phone in the drawer, I unlocked it and dialed Teema's number. It started ringing, and I was lost in my thoughts when I heard her voice.

"Hey, sweetie," Teema said.

"Teema, how are you doing?" I asked.

"Fine, and you?" Teema responded.

"Not fine at all," I confessed.

"What's wrong? Did Naima trouble you again?" Teema inquired.

"Not really, I'm just confused. Naima and I are on good terms. I narrated everything, how she apologized," I explained.

"Okay, thank God. Then spill it, girl," Teema encouraged.

"Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be turning 18..."

"Wow, happy birthday in advance, babe; you're an adult now! Lol," she chuckled.

"And I found out that Feesa has a crush on ya, Moh, Teema. I can't stop thinking about that guy. Like, seriously," I blurted out.

"Who's Feesa and Ya Moh, by the way?" she questioned.

"Sorry, my bad," I quickly explained everything to her.

"I'm sorry for saying this, did you forget what took you there? And now you've already fallen for the guy you haven't even met yet," she cautioned.

"Please hold back those feelings, Jidderh. Don't forget what drew you there. You have to made him first. Did you forget what the driver ever told you? He was a spoiled brat. Do you think it will be possible for him to fall for you?" she continued.

"I haven't, Teema," I confessed.

"Okay, I reminded you, Jidderh. Just be at your best character, okay?" she urged.

"Thank you so much; you're the best," I expressed my gratitude.

"No need; you're my everything, Jidderh. I promise to make you happy. Don't forget," she reassured.

"Okay, mommy," I playfully teased.

And we bid each other goodbye.

After my chat with Fatima, a wave of relief washed over me. She always had a way of putting things in perspective. "She's right. I have to hold back and fight these feelings," I mumbled to myself as I reached for my diary. Pouring my thoughts onto the pages, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

With my mind a little clearer, I made my way to the bathroom, had a soothing bath, and said a prayer.

As I looked into the mirror, I sternly warned myself, "Jidderh, stop living in this wonderland dream and remember why you're here, just like Fatima said."