Nap of a Star || Yeonbin

3

"I love you,"

were the words that echoed in Yeonjun's mind, but they held a different weight for him. They were first uttered by his mother, a phrase that held a sense of obligation rather than genuine affection. Throughout his life, those three words had become routine, said without emotion, like a script that parents were expected to follow. But for Yeonjun, they were nothing more than lies coated in saccharine sweetness. They never stirred tears in his eyes or ignited a warmth in his heart; instead, they only tightened the ache within his chest, a constant reminder of the disingenuous nature of familial love.

As he grew older, Yeonjun came to associate those words with deception and insincerity. Love was meant to be a bond built on trust, understanding, and genuine emotion, not just a compulsory phrase uttered without meaning. The hollow repetition of those words had shaped his perception of love, leaving him skeptical and hesitant to believe in its authenticity.

Yet, deep down, a small part of Yeonjun longed for the day when someone would say those words and truly mean them. Perhaps, he silently hoped, wished, there was still a chance to experience love in its purest form - one untainted by obligation and pretense. And his wish came true.  Just not in the way he hoped.

The second time those three words were used towards him, or used by someone who wasn't his family, Yeonjun found himself standing in a vast field of vibrant flowers. It was a serene moment, amplified by the gentle breeze that carried the delicate scent of blossoms through the air. As Yeonjun held another body in his embrace, those words escaped their lips in a whisper so tender, it could have been mistaken for a mere rustle of leaves. But the sincerity and emotion with which they were spoken resonated deep within his being, causing his entire body to tremble. In that instant, Yeonjun knew that these words were not mere platitudes—they held true meaning. This person loved him, truly and unconditionally. It wasn't because of money or any favor he had done for them; they loved him simply because he existed, because he was Yeonjun. However, although he was consumed by love, the words "I love you" never passed his lips. He cherished this person, and he always would, especially their dimpled smile. With a heavy heart, he wished for just one more chance to lay eyes upon that unique smile—a heartfelt longing that would forever linger within his soul.

The third time those three words were said to him, Yeonjun found himself sitting in his car, his eyes fixed on the big screen at the drive-in movie theater. Beside him was Chaewon, his now wife, and the one who had uttered those words first. This time, however, Yeonjun wasn't taken aback. From the moment Chaewon's mother had met him she had revealed that Chaewon loved him. And Yeonjun had been in a state of panic. He respected and cared for Chaewon deeply, but love seemed like a distant concept for him. It was a feeling he couldn't quite grasp. Yet, as the flickering lights of the movie illuminated their faces, and the warmth of Chaewon's presence enveloped him, Yeonjun couldn't deny the connection between them. Maybe, just maybe, love was slowly finding its way into his heart, even if he wasn't ready to admit it just yet.

Soon enough, Yeonjun found himself uttering those three words back to the girl, and before he knew it, they were officially dating. Yet, deep down, the words felt forced, as if they were wrapped in a thick layer of discomfort. He wished he was saying the words to someone else. But he knew he'd never be able to. Nevertheless, he convinced himself to disregard these unsettling feelings, eager to forge ahead. For Yeonjun, dating Chaewon served as a means to heal and move on, and love, well, it was just a fraction of the equation.

On the other hand, Chaewon couldn't help but feel a mix of gratitude and relief when Yeonjun reciprocated those three words. However, a small voice inside her whispered that the sincerity she yearned for might not have been fully present. It was as though the words were coaxed out, lacking the genuine depth she craved in her heart. Now, Chaewon had seen the pictures and the boxes but she ignored them. Hoping that all those were, were a distant cousin or so in those boxes. She prays they are at least.

•.•.

"I love you,"

Yeonjun muttered to his wife who was cooking dinner in their kitchen. It felt like an apology but for what? He doesn't know. It just felt like the most appropriate thing to say at the moment. She still didn't talk to him. Only nodding slightly as her husband tilted his head, still perplexed with how his wife was acting.

"Chaewon why are you acting like this. We were okay this morning." Yeonjun asked, anxiety scratching at the inside of his throat, fighting for a way out. He watched as his wife closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She put down the spoon she was stirring the food with and turned around to face her husband.

"Yeonjun, Soonja told me about the boxes."

Now Yeonjun knew that Chaewon wasn't very filled in about his past. She knew everything about him up to when he was 20 but after that, it was a mystery to her. He wanted to tell her stories about his 20s and about his life at the coffee shop and everything in between but, those memories were only for the people who lived through them. Not for someone like Chaewon.

"Yeonjun why do you have those boxes still. I told you to throw them out! I never asked who was in there. I never asked anything about those boxes. I let you have your privacy and your secrets all these years. The least you could've done is respect my wishes and thrown the boxes out! I wanted to restart!" Chaewon yelled as her patience wore out. Years. Years of being married to Yeonjun and finally her patience was running thin.

Yeonjun walked out.

•.•.

Third chapter is done!

I had a hard time trying to describe love in a way that made sense to you readers and to Yeonjun's character so it took awhile to write this chapter lol. I even asked my older brother to help me understand what the concept of love meant to him.

Also I know I'm late to saying this but happy Valentine's Day!

One dream~Kai 🫶🏼

2/15/24