RECONSTRUCTION | BUCKY BARNES [2]

06: ICEBREAKER

The roar of the engine fades as Bucky pulls in front of Dr. Beckett's office building. In the quiet solitude of the car, my foot taps anxiously against the floorboard. The rhythmic sound seems to punctuate the uneasy stillness that surrounds me. It's as if the vibrations in my soul reflect the internal tremors, an inadvertent representation of what's billowing beneath the surface. The familiar knot of apprehension tightens in my stomach, a reminder that therapy, however helpful it may be, is unnerving.

Bucky turns to me, concern etched across his features, as I remain frozen in place. His gaze, warm and steady, meets mine silently offering support. Yet, despite the comfort of his presence, I can't shake the unsettling feeling that churn within in. The building looms over it, its almost suffocating façade, threatens to consume me. I take a deep breath, attempting to steady the storm that threatens to unleash, before I face whatever lies beyond the car's door.

The car's engine hums softly, an audible reminder of the momentary refuge it provides me. Running behind schedule is dooming to my anxiety. I swiftly exit the car, leaving Bucky with a brief kiss on the cheek. The brisk New England air nips at my skin as I hurry towards the entrance of the office building, each step echoing with a sense of urgency. The familiar routine of therapy awaits me, but today, as it is only my second one with this therapist, feels different–charged with an unspoken tension that leaves me unsettled. Bursting through the doctor's door and stepping inside, the feeling that the unexpected will happen hangs heavy over me.

I stumble into the office with a hurried demeanor, closing the door softly behind me. I take my seat in the plush chair across from Dr. Beckett, who is waiting patiently for my arrival. "I'm sorry for being late," I apologize, my voice carrying a touch of breathlessness. The therapist, holding a gentleness to her, gives a reassuring smile to my apology.

"Life has a way of getting ahead of us. No need to worry about it," Dr. Beckett insists, folding her hands on her lap. I smile kindly towards her, crossing my legs and getting comfortable in the chair. "Let's catch up on how you've been since our last session."

As I settle into my chair, I take a moment to collect my thoughts. All my thoughts are safe here - where they won't be judged, and the feelings that linger won't harm me. In this room, there's a sense of tranquility, and I can easily relax despite my chaotic existence. Here, I can lay bare the fragments of my mind without fear of reproach. "Well, things certainly have been interesting, to say the least," I admit, choosing my words carefully, in hopes of not condemning myself. "I've been trying to navigate through my memories and the unprecedented feelings that come with them. The progress I've made seems to be stagnant. Though, every step forward is a victory in and of itself, isn't it? "

The doctor nods, her empathetic gaze fixed on me. A few notes are jotted down in her notebook before she starts asking another question. "Absolutely, Avalon. Progress isn't always linear, and it's essential to acknowledge these victories, no matter how small they are. Now let's take it a step further. How have your recent interactions been? Especially with those you're close to?"

The air shifts, and I find myself treading on the delicate ground of discussing my relationship with Bucky. I'm not afraid of talking about it, but it is a conversation that I haven't had the luxury of having very often. "Well, Doc, there's Bucky, my boyfriend. He's a stabilizing force in my life, a reminder that there can be normalcy amidst the chaos," I say, my tone tinged with a blend of playfulness and a guarded sincerity. "He's got this knack for being both the anchor and the storm. But hey, that's the fun part, isn't it? Never knowing which version you'll get."

Dr. Beckett leans forward, a subtle curiosity etched in her features. She twirls the pen between her fingers, a thoughtful expression on her face, "Bucky, you say? It seems like he's become a significant part of your life. How does it make you feel, knowing that you have someone that you can rely on in this way?"