The Losing One || Sirius Black

35. Slytherin

On the other hand, people addressed Sirius like royalty even when he slouched. It made Regulus feel angry, he wanted the respect and worked hard for it while Sirius didn't even bother and just got it. He didn't know just yet what was the feeling he was experiencing, but in time, he will understand that it was jealousy. Jealousy of recognition, respect and power that came with being the Black family heir. Recognition, respect and power he didn't have because he was the younger brother.

Even worse, on that day his dad made arrangements for Sirius to go visit the Pettigrews, again, and by extension leave Regulus alone, again. What bothered him even more was the excitement Sirius didn't even try to conceal. Granted, Regulus did tell him everything was great when he wasn't home, which was true, but it still bothered him. The stupid Pettigrew boy even tried inviting him to join them, but his mother had taught him to never except anyone's pity. The Blacks weren't made to be pitied, they were made to be looked up to and admired.

Sirius, of course, did leave, only this time Regulus blamed his father and not his brother. Sirius was to blame for his excitement, but the whole visit to the Pettigrews was Orion's idea after all.

He even slipped up one night after Sirius left while the Blacks were having dinner. Regulus admitted that he missed Sirius which resulted in disappointing looks from his father and mother. In a stern voice, Orion explained to Regulus how the Blacks can't be weak and not able to be on their own. Weak, echoed in Regulus' mind, I am not weak, he repeated that night to himself, I'll show them how strong I am. I will not be a disappointment.

Even later down the line, Regulus will not be able to understand why he wanted to prove himself so much to the two of them. Maybe he just wanted power and respect. Maybe he wanted love from his parents and was ready to sacrifice the love his brother gave him to acquire it.

But, in the end, the love from the one who mattered the most to him will not be given again once it was lost. And funnily enough, the love he so greatly desired from his parents will be nothing compared to the one his brother once provided him with.

Then Sirius came back from the Pettigrews.

There were only four days left before the start of Regulus' first year at Hogwarts, so he decided to dedicate his time to going through his new books. Sirius did try to talk to him, but Regulus insisted on the importance of his preparation for school. They did manage to play a couple rounds of Wizarding Chess, but that was basically it.

Sirius, too, spent most of his time in the library, so at least, they were together while studying. In silence, but together. Regulus did find it odd how much interest Sirius had for dark creatures and ancient maps all of a sudden, but he didn't question it. There was this desire to spend more time with his brother, properly not just reading together, but whenever he wanted to come and sit beside Sirius and talk, Orion's words would echo in his head.

The voice of his father would constantly repeat how weak he was for depending on Sirius or how it would be a great disappointment for the Black family if Regulus didn't come top of the year in his first year just like Sirius had. So, Regulus stayed seated a few meters away from Sirius, at his own desk with first year's books.

Sooner than later, the 1st of September arrived and the Black family apparated to King's Cross Station just like last year, an hour before the train's departure.

All the by passers were giving them respectful and fearful looks which made Regulus feel important as he straightened his back even more. He tried to look as serious as possible, unlike his brother who looked even more disheveled than last year. Sirius tried to slouch as much as Walburga would tolerate it and, compared to last year, his shirt was quite more wrinkled. Regulus didn't even need to look at his brother's shoes to know how messily the laces were tied.