Forget Me Not

Chapter 9

Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula na makaramdam ako ng pagkalito ng damdamin. I just found myself getting drawn to Ethan. Hinahanap-hanap ko ang kanyang presenya. Sa tuwing kinakain ako ng lungkot at pait ng nakaraan, palagi siyang may paraan para pawiin ang nararamdaman ko. He has a way of making me feel better and lighter.

Even though I didn't share anything to him, yet, he could always tell whenever I needed someone to lift up my spirit. He always tells me the things I needed to hear. He always makes me feel that I am important, valued and appreciated— something that I have always craved for.

He's an observer and a good conversationalist. Kaya hindi rin kataka-taka kung bakit gustong-gusto ko siyang kausap kahit na madalas ay siya lang naman ang nagsasalita. He has that contagious smile. . . that somehow, makes me smile too. Hindi madali sa akin ang magtiwala, given my past experience, but somehow, I know that Ethan will never betray me.

I watched him as he dug and pulled the weeds from his flower garden. There's a deep frown on his forehead as he focused on his task like his life depended on it.

“Did you know. . . This is my Mom's favorite flower,” he says as he point at those forget me not flowers in the garden. “I was still young when she died, but these flowers always remind me of her. She often brings me here in the garden, and teaches me how to take care of these flowers. I associate forget me nots with her, because it symbolizes her love for me— pure and true. Yet, I have also learned that it was her way of telling me to never forget her. Of course, I will never forget her.”

There's a sad smile on his face, yet his eyes were filled with love and adoration. He was beaming with love and pride for his mother. It made me smile seeing the kind of love, that I used to have for someone I adored so much, being reflected in his eyes.

A lump formed in my throat as I remember all the good times I had with Mama — the woman who raised me. Maybe I was too young to see the indifference though it was already there. Ethan must be lucky to have such a loving Mom.

“I can see how much you love your Mom. . .at kahit hindi ko siya kilala, ramdam ko na mahal na mahal ka rin niya,” nakangiti kong sambit.

Tumango siya. “Hindi man nagtagal si Mama sa mundo, pero sa mga panahong nabubuhay siya, kailan man ay hindi niya pinaramdam sa akin na hindi ako mahalaga,” he said.

Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng kaunting inggit. My Mama despised my existence, at walang araw na hindi niya iyon pinaramdam sa akin.

Ethan smiled at me gently as if he heard my thoughts. “Growing up, she filled me with so much love. . .and that love is what I want to share to the world.” Tumigil ang mga mata ni Ethan sa akin.

Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng kaba at lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang nakatingin kami sa isa't isa. Slowly, he removed his gloves and set it aside. I watched as his hand moved, and held my hand softly.

“Gusto kong ibahagi ang pagmamahal na mayroon ako sa puso ko, Eli,” masuyo at puno ng emosyon niyang sambit.

I was too stunned to speak or move, and all I could do was to watch him while my heart beat wildly inside my chest. Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa lakas ng kabog nito. Bakit kinakabahan ako? Tama ba ang kutob ko?

“Ethan. . .hindi ko maintindihan ang ibig mong sabihin,” naguguluhan kong saad.

“I know you might think it's too soon, but the truth is. . .my heart jumped when I first saw you. Nang una kong titigan ang mga mata mo, parang may kung anong napunit sa puso ko. Your eyes were lifeless and lonely, and I couldn't explain why it hurt me. It made me want. . .to make you smile. . .or fill your eyes with life and love,” he explained.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Naalala ko kung paanong bumilis din ang tibok ng puso ko noong una ko siyang makita na nakatayo sa harapan ng pintuan ng bahay ko. Pilit kong iniwasan ang nararamdaman ko, ngunit alam ko na sa bawat pagdaan ng araw na napapalapit ako sa kanya ay nagiging malalim din ang nararamdaman ko.

“Are you. . .”

“Yes, Eliana. I like you, and I want to court you. Pasensya ka na, wrong timing pa yata ang pag-amin ko,” nahihiya niyang sambit na sinundan ng kanyang halakhak habang iniikot niya ang kanyang paningin sa paligid namin.

Nakaupo kami sa ilalim kami ng tirik na araw, puno ng pawis ang aming mga noo at ang mga kamay namin ay marumi dahil sa mga lupa na kumakapit dito. It wasn't an ideal setting, yet, somehow, it warmed my heart. His honesty made it more meaningful and romantic.

Mula sa hardin ay kumuha siya ng mga bulaklak at inilahad iyon sa aking kamay. Tinanggap ko iyon nang buong puso at nilagay sa aking dibdib.

“Kaya pala lagi mo akong binibigyan nito. . .” bulong ko.

Ethan scratched his head as if he was embarrassed that I finally knew and understand why he was giving me flowers.

“It is a symbol of my love and devotion to you, Eliana. Alam ko na hindi pa natin ganoon ka kilala ang isa't isa, pero kung hahayaan mo ako, gusto kong makita at makilala ka sa likod ng iyong maskara. Flaws and imperfections aside, I want to see the real you. . .the real Eliana behind that mysterious mask. Hayaan mo akong ibalik ang ngiti sa mga mata mo. Hayaan mo akong ipaalala at iparamdam sa'yo na mahalaga ka,” he paused.

Kinuha niya ulit ang kamay ko at dinala iyon sa kanyang dibdib, kung saan ramdam na ramdam ko ang malakas na tibok ng puso niya.

“Hayaan mo akong ibahagi sa'yo ang lahat ng pagmamahal na narito sa puso ko.”