Heads or Tails

Chapter 12

He takes a few steps closer until he can run his hands under my dress and up my thighs. He hovers over my lips, eyes watching mine.

"But you shouldn't," I say against his lips. "You shouldn't want this. Not with me."

"Probably not." His mouth moves over my chin, down my jaw, sucking and nibbling. "You shouldn't want this either. But you do. You haven't kicked me out yet, now have you?"

I shake my head.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he whispers. "And I don't want to stop at just kissing."

"We're crazy to keep doing this," I say, stepping back far enough to unbutton his jeans. "We shouldn't – "

He stills my hands. "I want this."

"I do, too."

"You're not the only one scared of what this means. But didn't we decide we don't want to stop?"

"I know. I know. But the longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to how things were between us."

He smiles. "Some risks are worth the reward."

"Ben," I hiss, closing my eyes and stifling a groan as he pushes my dress up to my hips and slides a warm finger along my slit. "We really shouldn't."

He stops, gently holding me. "Megs, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

I open my eyes, looking at him. Is he trying to reassure me this isn't just sex for him? I don't want to push him further on his promise because I'm unsure what I want from him now. I know I want to feel him inside me again. I also know I'd like for him to place his head between my legs. But can I see a future with Ben back in Chicago? The inability to answer this question immediately worries me.

"Hey," he whispers. "You okay?"

I nod without having to say a word.

"If this is too much for you, I'm okay with no sexy times," he says, smiling. "I just want to spend time with you."

His words hang between us when he looks at me, eyes wide and pleading.

"I'd like to spend time with you, too," I smile. "Not that I don't want sexy times...because I do -"

He smiles, running a thumb along my cheek.

"- it's just...I miss you."

"You miss me?"

I nod. "I miss Megan and Ben before the coin toss. And if this is ever going to work between us, we need more than just sexy times. We need the best of both worlds."

"Are you suggesting we could be more than friends?"

Is that what I want? To be more than just friends with Ben? I never expected it to put my heart on the line so hard.

I blush. "Maybe."

His eyes darken, and he stares at my mouth. "I could take you on a real date when we return to Chicago," he says.

"You don't take girls on real dates. You swipe right and meet them at a dingy bar for a drink and a hookup."

He closed his eyes, his jaw tight. "Okay, I know. My track record isn't great. I've never been good at relationships and I have given you no reason to believe otherwise. I've just never been good at the intimate part of getting to know someone."

"I'm someone," I remind him.

Smiling, he whispers, "Yes, you are."

"And you know me."