𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒. yoon jeonghan ✓

5. it's time to let it out

I stared at him, still not believing my eyes. I'm just hallucinating right? There's no way this is real. It feels like a dream. What am I seeing? It can't be real.

He slowly let his arms down, which were holding a camera, his face finally coming in view. My heart skipped a few beats as our eyes met. It felt as if time had stopped. The earth stopped spinning for a second. It really is him. He was here the whole time. I'm not dreaming. But why do I wish it was one?

He stared blankly at me. I couldn't move. A part of me wants to run to him and hold him in my arms but the other part of me wants to do the exact opposite. I have so many things I wanna ask him, but I know I can't do that. I won't do that.

He looks so different yet the same at the same time. His hair is blonde unlike the last time when he left me, he had black hair. His face still looks the same, like he didn't age at all. Yet, he looked so different. Something about him isn't the same as before. He doesn't have the glow he had anymore. He no longer looks like the cheerful, lovely guy I was in love with. He looks emotionless, cold.

I stared into his eyes, trying to look for something. I don't know what I'm trying to look for but I want to see just something. But there's nothing. His eyes held no emotion. It's ice cold.

A tear rolled down from my eyes but I turned away immediately. I don't want him to see me like this. There's two possible things that he'll feel if he sees me this way; he'll either feel a little bit of pain or he'll be happy seeing me broken, all because of him. He'll feel proud of what he did to me.

The latter makes more sense. He'll be happy and I don't want that. I don't want him to be happy when I'm not. I can't be the only one feeling like this. But at the same time, I don't want him to be hurt — but I know that's impossible. He's never gonna feel hurt seeing me in pain.

I slowly wiped the tears that fell from my eyes, trying to pull myself together. You have to be strong. Don't let him win. He hurt you. It's time you hurt him too.

Taking in a deep breath, I turned on my heels, ready to walk away from him but I stopped when I realized he wasn't there anymore.

As I looked around, trying to find his silhouette, I saw him walking away from the beach. He left. Again. I watched him walk away, not looking back even once. I watched as he walked out of my life once again, just like he did back then. The only difference is, back then, he left after giving me hope that he'll come back for me, but this time, he left, shattering the last piece of hope I had left deep down in my heart.

I wanted to run to him and ask him why he did this to me. I wanted to hold him in my arms, I wanted to be held in his arms like he held me in the past. I want him to tell me that this was all a prank. But I know that's not gonna happen. I know it very well but my heart just never stops hoping. My brain never stops creating those hopeless scenarios in my head.

He's gone again. And a part of me is glad he did. A part of me wished he never came back in the first place. But I think it's good he did. It's clear now, what he wants.

— 4.05 PM

I sigh as I throw my tired body on the couch. I walked all the way home from the beach. I couldn't stand being at that place for even a second more. I didn't even go to the restaurant I was supposed to go to.

After seeing him, my whole mood got ruined. I was slightly happy at first, because after all these years I finally got to see him but then I wasn't happy anymore.

I hate that I feel this way. When he doesn't want anything to do with me, why can't I feel the same way?

My heart started to feel heavy once again as his face flashed in my mind. The way he looked at me. I couldn't tell what he was feeling. His face was almost emotionless. Why does he do this to me? I know he knows very well how I felt seeing him even if he doesn't love me anymore.