Heads or Tails

Chapter 2

"What?" he asks, confused.

"Yeah, Ben."

He tosses the sheet from his body, but this time with no shame. I force my eyes shut, completely embarrassed and now fully aware of why I am in so much pain down there. I can hear him slide on his pants and buckle his belt, so I peek through one eye, grateful he is sliding on his black t-shirt over his bare chest.

He sees the clock on my nightstand and states the obvious. "Shit, it's early, huh? We have to catch a plane in a few hours, right?"

"Listen," I say, blinking away and trying to make some order of the chaos in my head. "That coin toss was a mistake. This can't happen again."

Ben sighs long and deep before mumbling, "Fine by me."

"Please don't tell anyone about this," I say, stopping at his expression.

His eyes are wide, his mouth pursed, and his gaze moves slowly down my body. "You didn't seem to have a problem with any of this last night," he says. "I didn't realize you were so disappointed."

"Jesus, Ben. It's not that." I look down and, if possible, become even more mortified than before. "I don't want things between us to change. Please, pretend it never happened." 

He blinks. "You're the one with the big mouth, not me."

"I don't think so."

"Yeah. I think so." Ben sits down on my bed, pulling on his socks. "You and Jessica share everything. You told me you have to because it's a golden rule of sisterhood or some garbage like that."

There is a long, heavy silence between us. I look down at the ground and feel myself begin to blush. I both hate and love how Ben can remember everything I tell him. But even though Jessica and I share everything, what happened between Ben and me is an absolute exception.

"Do me a favour," he says, glancing over at me. "When we are in Costa Rica, remind me not to pound back the rum. I wouldn't want to be flipping coins with just anybody."

I frown. "Very funny."

Ben scratches the back of his neck, looking down at me through his dark lashes. We both exhale a long, measured breath and then I realize how awkward this has gotten. I look up to see him watching me. His eyes search every inch of my face.

"So, I guess I'll see you at the airport," he says.

He walks over to the doorway and stops. He is standing inches away from me, so close I can count each of his eyelashes, close enough for me to make out the tiny freckles along the bridge of his nose. He runs a hand through his hair and glances down at me. His mouth parts slightly, and he looks like he wants to say something more, but he doesn't.

"Nothing has changed between us, right?" I ask.

He tilts his head to the side and closes his eyes before answering. "Of course not." He places his hand on the doorknob and says, "Don't worry, Megs. If forgetting this ever happened is what you want, mums the word." He runs a thumb and index finger across his lips and pretends to zip them shut before he walks out of my bedroom, into the living room and out the front door.

Ten minutes later, I brewed a pot of coffee and stepped into the shower. I wish the steamy details from our so-called mistake would stop sneaking up on me, like when both of us laughed and kissed our way into my apartment, or Ben thrust me up against the kitchen wall to meet his soft lips with mine, or the touch of Ben's hands on my body. That mouth. The way he sucked on my skin, kissing me as if he had years of pent-up need, and it was finally unleashed. Last night I wanted him to fuck me, probably more than I ever wanted anything. I was ready to explode. And when our clothes started to come off, there was no way in hell I was backing down. Being with Ben that way felt oddly fitting, even though it also felt wrong. I know it can't happen again for the sake of our friendship, but I'm just feeling really, really frustrated.