Falsettos, um,fanfiction...?

More Than Survive

Song fic for More Than Survive from Be More Chill but it's Marvin:):)

I mumbled "come on" over and over again, to myself, as I desperately stared at the screen of my computer. I threw a quick glance at the clock; 7:45 AM. I have to start getting ready for school soon, so my porno better hurry the fuck up. The stupid "Loading..." motion was just on my screen, rolling around, over and over, chasing its own tail like a headless dog. My leg was shaking up and down as my eyes turned round and round, following the loading animation. I hadn't realized how long I had been staring at it, before my alarm clock rang. I quickly shut it off, as well as my computer. Great. Already starting off the day amazingly. But this really isn't such a change... If my day actually goes well, for once, I'd actually be surprised, because bad days are my okay. I sighed and tried to mentally prepare myself for the next six hours at school. Good morning, time to start the day. I stood up and threw on a gray t-shirt and a red sweater. I didn't brush my hair, but I ran a hand through it to make sure it looked alright enough. A question popped into my head; should I take a bus or walk instead? I felt my stomach filling up with worry and anxiety. When I get nervous, my pulse quickens and my face reddens... it's not the nicest thing to watch. Ok, weigh the options calmly and be still. Being a junior on the bus is exceedingly weak, and is guaranteed to get me beat up for days... But if I walk, when I arrive, I'll smell like shit and my pits will be practically spewing gallons of sweat. I groaned. I just wish I had the skill to just be fine and cool and calm. I don't want to be a hero, I just want to stay in the line. I don't exactly want to be the main, super popular, amazingly beloved, Rob De Niro or anything... I'm more of a Joe Pesci kind of guy. I've created my own rules to follow; no eye contact, no smiling when I'm walking by myself. Just some things to help me survive my high school. What I'm trying to say here, overall, is that I don't wanna be special, no, I just wanna survive. I ran downstairs, ate a piece of toast really quick, and ran to the bus stop. Once inside, I overheard strange conversations from all around... People talking about scandals and friendships and relationships and whatnot.

- So, Cordelia said Roger told Gordon "I'll only have sex with you if you beat me at pool" And then she lost at pool deliberately. Said Trina, one of the popular girls in school.
- That is so aweso-
- Rhoda!
- I mean slutty.
- And then Gordon was all like-
- I'm telling the story, Cordelia! Oh my God... he's like, totally getting off on that, ugh!

I sighed at the immaturity of teenage behaviour. After fifteen long minutes of bus ride, we finally arrived at the building that I have been dreading going back to since Friday. Just the view of the school from the bus caused an entire wave of nervousness to wash over my body. I dreaded coming out of the bus, but I did. I walked into the school and walked toward my locker. I accidentally walked into some short guy. He turned around, angry.

- Yo, don't touch me, tall ass! He said.
- Sorry, I was just trying to get to my locke-
- Yo, Roger, what's the story with Gordon? He asked, as another boy walked toward him.
- Oh man, I shouldn't say... But it's a good thing I rock at pool.

I navigate the dangerous hall. The stares and whispers followed me as I did so. I avoided all eye contact, and in doing so, I noticed a poster on the wall. I approached it, trying my best to remain unseen. The poster's closer, now I can see what it is advertising. It's a signup for the after school play...

Correction; it's a signup sheet for getting called gay, and that's not what I need right now, end scene. I tried to walk away from my poster, turning to my left. My heart stopped as I realized who it was; Whizzer Brown. Truly the most majestic person in the whole school. His dark brown eyes were beautiful, his hair was constantly in a perfect state and his clothing style was unmatched. Everything about him is perfect. My heart immediately sped up upon seeing him. He's a theater kid. He does the play every year, always around other theater kids, always singing show tunes... Of course he was interested in the play. I hadn't realized how long I was staring until he stared back. I choked up immediately.

- Did you say something? He asked.
- G- I... Uhhh... G-uh... UH.
- Um... Okay. I'll see you around, I guess?

And with that, he walked away. Well, that was smooth, yeah that was super great. My romance game couldn't be more limp. No time to wallow, no, but just clear your brain and move ahead; accept that you're one of those people who are virgins at 95. I internally sighed. I don't want to be a baller or anything like that, I just wish I had some skills to count on. If I continue like this, the only thing I'll ever date is my MacBook Pro hard drive. I don't wanna be George friggin' Clooney, I just wanna pass the "test". In other words, I just wanna survive. I spotted my best friend, Charlotte, with her headphones on.

- Charlotte! I exclaimed.

She walked over to me.

- Marvin, my buddy, how's it hanging?

I cringed at her dialect. I love her, don't get me wrong, she's the only good person in this hellhole, but she's not very "with the times". I don't mind, though.

- So, what do you have for lunch, this time?

The reason I asked this is because every day, Charlotte sees me and brags about her lunch for some reason... It just became normal, I guess.

- Oh, yeah it's great. Had my sushi Got my slushie and more! The roll was maki maki and I'm feeling kinda cocky 'Cause that girl at Sev' Elev' gave me a generous pour!

Why was she speaking in rhymes? Oh yeah. The realization took over me.

- You're listening to Bob Marley, again aren't yo-
- OH, I'm listening to Marley and the groove is hella gnarly and we're almost at the end of the song...

She looked up as she put her hand toward me, signing me to wait as the last line played. She nodded.

- Yeah, that was the end. I'm done rhyming. I practiced that for four six hours, you know. Be grateful for my rhyming, Marv.
- I'm not even going to be remotely grateful for any of that.
- Hey, you look like ass, what's going on?
- Well, I wrote Whizzer a letter telling him how I feel...

Her eyes lit up.

- That's progress!
- Then I tore it up and flushed it...
- Oh. She said, disappointed.
- It's still progress...kind of... because I thought of giving it to him.
- That's not progress. Sorry, kiddo.

- I looked down slightly in shame. She put her hand on my shoulder.

- Hey, it's all good; I saw on Discovery that humanity has stopped evolving! She said, way too excited in my opinion.
- That's...good?
- Well, see, evolution is survival of the fittest, right? But now, because of technology You don't have to be strong to survive anymore! Which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser! Ha! So own it! Why try to be cool when you could be-
- Signing up for the play!
- I was going to say getting stoned in my basement, but uh...
- No, I mean, look who's signing up for the play! I explained pointing at the signup sheet on the wall.

She looked over at the sheet, then back at me.

- Whizzer Brown. I said with wonder.
- Whizzer Brown. She repeated with a smirk.
- He's signing up for the play. I said.
- Yeah, I can see that... maybe you should sign up too; it would be a great way to talk to him. She said.

I actually debated it. I took a deep breath and stared down at my converse. Was I really about to do this? I stood up and felt my body walk in the open space. I take a shaky breath. Who cares if people call me a loser? Whizzer signed, I'll do the same. I grabbed the pen with my sweaty hand and slowly, subtly enough not to draw any attention to myself, wrote my name. A tall popular kid suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

- Gay! He shouted at me.

Kids all around me laughed and giggled as Charlotte threw me an apologetic look. I walked back toward her, staring down at my shoes and hoping they weren't still staring. I'm never gonna be the cool guy, I'm more the one who's left out...forgotten...alone. If my school was a movie, I would definitely not be the main character. I would be, like, an extra or something. It would just be great if someone were to just... I don't know, help me out. Teach me how to thrive. Show me the ropes of how to actually be liked by different groups of people at the same time, not just one person. Help me do more than survive. If this was a zombie apocalypse I wouldn't need any help; that's nerdy stuff, so it's my domain... But since the zombie army's yet to descend and the period is about to start, I'm just trying my hardest to pass the test and survive.

Come on.