Slow Down - Jaywon

17: 'Empty bottle'

Jay didn't know what made him wake up before he had his full rest. The air in the room wasn't cold, in fact the air must have been turned off because it was warm, though, it wasn't like he would wake up due to temperature changes regardless. He didn't have to make an imperative late night (or early morning) run to the bathroom either, and he was still begrudgingly tired.

His bed sang for him to go back to sleep, but Jay couldn't despite his exhaustion. Everything was comfortable, harmonious in the state that he was familiar with, but every inch of his body stung with tension. It only took for him to let go of his bleary state for his heart to come alive.

Something is wrong, it told him, bashing against his chest, like trying to reach him from its confinements in a cage. That's when Jay decided to really observe his room for things he could have missed from the first time, but everything was fine, in place. So he doubted how he felt and wondered if it was just a fluke.

They argued, his brain and his heart; one side telling him to fall back asleep because nothing was an issue and the other one telling him to get up, to check again. Unfortunately, Jay was a man driven by his emotions rather than his thoughts.

Jay got out of bed, and that's when he felt how chilling it really was in the room, like ice clung to his skin. Then his mind agreed with his heart and told him to look, further than what his eyes may see. He left his room to look around.

The thing was, the dorm was as it always was; oven light on and everything else void of activity, but it was something typically comfy because it was something Jay was used to. But the room had never felt so daunting. Why did this iniquity feel so different compared to all of the other days?

"Jungwon?" He said, without even knowing why.

He didn't get a response, which was normal. Jay could bet that it was too late to be awake, but that didn't mean it made him worry any less. He couldn't find it in himself to be fine with a no response after the tightrope they both were left on the last talk.

Yet it would still be as troubling if he did get a response, because what would Jungwon be doing up this late? It was a lose-lose situation because Jay was just distressed too much for his own sake. He did it himself. Perhaps if he didn't take those steps forward to change how they were, this wouldn't bother him at all.

A wish it was for him to not be bothered, a wish indeed, for his heart and mind to be at rest.

Jay held his breath in his chest when he stood before Jungwon's room door. He held his breath until his thoughts said to him that his heart had relaxed enough for him to open the door and check.

Dark, spreading the haunt of the living room's shadows. It would be a lie for Jay to say that he was okay with it. He had hoped to see Jungwon on his bed, sleeping the thoughts in his mind away unless they morphed into nightmares to ruin him even when he was supposed to be at peace.

But Jay had seen Jungwon at his table, with his arms folded over the surface and his head pressed on top of them. He slept soundly, Jay was only able to tell that he was alive by the soft breaths waving his hair in front of his face with each exhale. Studying, he must have been.

That died down some of his apprehension. He might as well wake Jungwon up for him to actually go to bed. Hunched over at a table wasn't a comfortable position and he was bound to wake up with a stiff neck later on.

Jay crouched down, leveling himself at the height of Jungwon on the chair. He said nothing and made no move to wake him. He had to bask himself in the relief that nothing had happened first. Eventually, he moved Jungwon's hair back, out of the small urge to just see his face.

Jay watched in silence until a miniature smile slowly formed on his face. He grew fond of him, it was an instance in which he couldn't point out the moment it happened, but he mulled over when it did. He was relaxing, for a moment to abandon the trouble. Then it happened.