~Sohbat~

~chapter 44~

" Huh! No Raaghav! It's fine. The way doesn't matter, the fact that now I know about it matters. I understand those places are important to you. Aur mera kya hai! I have never held such significance in anybody's life ever that they would put me before everything.That they would trust me, love me, care for me. And it was me who started expecting when I very well know that I can never be loved and cared and trusted. "

"Why are you even saying like this Vaidu? ", he raised his voice a bit.
" It's the truth. ", Vaidehi sighed in oblivion.

Raaghav rubbed his forehead. He was getting frustrated. He couldn't stand Vaidehi speak such things for her own self. It made him think that maybe his Vaidehi was also thinking of him as a selfish emotionless being like the rest of his family members.
He tried calming himself down.
He finally spoke, " Listen. And listen to it very carefully. Yes. Those places are important to me. They are very important to me. But. That doesn't mean that you don't hold a place in my life. I know I should have told you everything. But I couldn't get myself to. Because I was scared. I was scared that you to would think of me as a selfish being who used you to get those places. That you would also judge me like others. And probably leave me. Alone. Like all of them . "

"No.. No.. Raaghav I would never judge you. And you certainly were not selfish. I, in this few days have understood what Shantidhara means to you. And I am sure enough that the palace has lots of value in your life. So it's..
" Vaidehi! Let me start from the very beginning. "
"No Raaghav.. I don't
" You do! You do deserve to know everything related to me. You do deserve to know about my life. About how it has been. "
"Par...
" I was born in the palace. 29 years back. To my maasa, Shanti Randhir Yaduvanshi.
Maasa was Mr. Randhir's first wife. On whom he cheated. Whom he used. Whose emotions he played with. "
"Babasa.. He cheated? ", Vaidehi asked taken aback.
Raaghav sighed. Walking a little in the place he continued.
" Yes he  did. Want to know how?
Hah.. Maasa and he met in college. They fell in love.
It seems he and maasa were the "ideal couple goals",back in college.
After college got over, he took part in the family business, he was going to get crowned. For crowning the king had to have a wife. The Yaduvanshi's had began to search for a bride for him, when he disclosed his love to the family.
When he introduced maasa to the royals, they rejected her in the first go. Why? First, she was an orphan, second she didn't had any royalty running in her blood.
But Mr. Randhir was truly in love, he married her. He had a run away marriage.
When he returned back, the family was taken aback. They had already selected Mrs Damyatti,who was none other then a common friend of both maasa and him, as the to be bride. But the sudden marriage put a hault to all the happenings.
Since it was just one month left for the crowning ceremony, and he, that Mr. Randhir was quiet famous in the public, the family could do nothing. They accepted maasa half heartedly.

Things were going well, they both were deeply in love. Then they got the news that maa was expecting. He was on cloud nine. He took utmost care of her. But probably that was the time when things went downhill.

    Dadisa knew, this was the moment that there relationship was at a moulding point, a turning point from being couple to being parents. She took the opportunity and introduced Mrs. Damyatti again as a intern under Mr. Randhir. Since he was handling the business, dadisa told him to train Mrs. Damyatti.

They started getting close, while maasa was totally unaware. And things went downhill when he got physical with Mrs. Damyatti one day. He cheated on my ma for the very first time even when I was not born.
But maasa was not aware of it for freaking 7 years! imagine! He hided his sins so very well. But in this time, even when I was born, all throughout my childhood he was an ideal husband,an ideal father. He gave me the best childhood anyone could wish for.
Maybe he was regretting that day with Mrs. Damyatti , but maybe...maybe he was getting physical with her ever since then and just returning back home to us. I don't know. Neither do I want to judge. But for me, in childhood, he was the best father, the superhero, who loved my ma with his everything.
Even though apart from dadisa everybody in the family was cordial to us, but he would always make me feel that I was a part of a happy complete family. A family that would eat together, talk their hearts out before sleeping, would love each other unconditionally.

But that dreamy world broke, when a lady entered with a boy of nearly my age, and claimed to be related to him.
Yes! It was Damyatti, she , I don't know why, but returned after 7 years with a boy of nearly my age, that's 7.
I was young to understand what all happened.
But now I know, that consummation had left Mrs. Damyatti impregnated.
That day I had seen my maasa broke. She was crying, those crys,those tears still haunt me. Those allegations still chase me.
Dadisa, had always wanted that to happen, she accepted Damyatti and Rutvendra whole heartedly. Mr. Randhir was ashamed.
His apologies  still ring in my ears. The seven year boy, had seen his both parents cry that day.

Things changed from there, maasa stayed in the mahal only for me. She totally distanced herself from him. But he tried. He apologized everyday. I clearly remember, he even touched maasa's feets. But she didn't forgive him.

During this time, Mrs. Damyatti won everyone. She portrayed as the victim here, when in truth it was my maasa who was the victim.
The family, specially dadisa started showering Rutvendra with very bit of love. While I craved for it. He turned into an apple of everyone's eyes. While me! I was just the side character.
I didn't complain, because I had my maasa who loved me with her everything. Who made me feel that i was so very special.

Over years, with Mr. Randhir continuous efforts maa did forgive him. And why wouldn't she had, she loved him so much after all. She clearly loved him more than me. Huh!

Things were again sunshine. I somewhere got my happy little family back.

But i was being delusional, maybe.

When I was 15,one fine day, while returning home from school, as usual I narrated maasa everything, as she picked me up from school, even then I was a mama's boy!

As we walked towards maasa's room,but then that day turned out to be the worst day of my entire life.

Maasa had forgiven Mr. Randhir, but after that day, I could never forgive him.

We were on the door of their room, when we both, saw him and Mrs. Damyatti,, Mrs. Damyatti was hugging him, while her dress layed on the floor. She was.. She was.. Dammit! ", with that Raaghav hit the pillar.
" That day, I lost my everything. Maasa got a attack on seeing the sight. She breathed her last on my own lap Vaidehi. That day....That day i saw her for the last time. That face of hers from that day, I still can't get over, those sweat beads, those palpations.
I lost my maasa that day. All because of them both.

That day I lost myself too.

Everything changed. Every fucking thing changed from that day. I was no longer the boyish Raaghav. I matured.
Who wouldn't? The boy who saw his father cheat with his own eyes, the boy who lost his own mother in front of his own eyes.
I didn't allow any family member to come near maasa's body. Not even Mr. Randhir. I performed all the rituals on my own.
That day, with maasa's pyre I burnt every thing that I had for Mr. Randhir.
I burnt every emotion that I had.
I changed totally. I burnt my ability to think of that man as my father. I burnt my ability to trust anybody,because my own father broke my trust in the worst possible way. "

"The mahal was the place that my maasa spent her last time, it was the place where she chased me to feed me in childhood, the place that she scolded me, beated me, loved me. I tried, I tried very much to buy the mahal on my own, but the Yaduvanshi's were adamant not to sell it. So I...
Even the orphanage, it was the same place maasa spent her childhood, Mr. Randhir had bought it after marriage for maasa, it has her name attached to it.

This both places has memories etched to them of the only person who loved me unconditionally. I had to keep it close."

"Raaghav! " Vaidehi said as she slowly pulled her hand over his shoulder.

"I know Vaidehi what I did was wrong, nevertheless I should have told  you before, but.. But.. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to think that our marriage is some deal or stuff. Because it is not. When I filled Vermillion in your hairline, mahadev ki saugand,I didn't think of you as a deal or property. Hell! I can never think like that. "

"Raaghav.. ", just then Vaidehi slipped. She held Raaghav's biceps. They were too close. Raaghav was totally in his senses so was Vaidehi.
Raaghav's eyes trailed towards her lips. He lost it.
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