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Dear B

Dear B,

I have a confession to make to you. I wanted us to try and revive our friendship again but really I let my ego and pride get in the way. I waited for you to fix this but I let my overthinking and ego dictate everything. The truth is when that day happened, those words didn't break me but seeing you not pay attention to me broke me because I didn't understand why. Well I know the truth now and it's kinda hard to accept it. It's not hard to accept the fact that you were just being blunt and you didn't mean to hurt my feelings but it hurt to read your body language. In truth I am afraid to tell you these things because I do not want you to think of me differently. You meant everything to me and you still do. I sometimes ask myself why I do the things I do, but really I do it because sometimes it's something that feels right to me. I have always hoped that one day we could try again and actually have a deep conversation about everything. I would tell you the truth and admit everything. I would tell you I like you as a friend maybe something more but I don't fear rejection, I fear scaring you and confusing you. My friend once told me that I only live life once but really we live everyday but we die everyday cycle. The truth that I admit in this letter is that I love you, and I love who you are, I love seeing you handle yourself, and sometimes it's inspiring to me. I have never took such inspiration from someone. I dont understand how someone could just carry her grades, her activities and everything well. I guess when I look at you I see a version of myself but I also see a version of you in me. Maybe a mirror or a reflection. I am not comparing myself to you nor comparing you to I. I am just admitting these feelings because I may never know if I get the chance to talk to you again and I have prepared myself everyday for that. Sometimes my ego makes me prideful and yearn for certain things and it feels weird because I did want to wait for you to come back. And I waited, and waited, and waited and waited and waited until I started to drift from the thought of you ever coming back so I let it go. Once senior pictures happened and you came, I was nervous and when I got stuck in the bathroom, I was trying to keep calm. When you complimented me, it made me feel better but really I was happy. When school started and I saw you I was confused but happy. I write this letter to express my feelings and everything I have felt between then and now. B... I am sorry. I don't expect us to try again but I expect us to to understand so I can give myself the closure I need. I don't expect this letter to ever be laid in front of your brown eyes. I expect nothing but understandment and acceptance from myself. In reality I do not hate you, i never hated you and I never meant to make it seem that way. I apologize for who I was then. I was a girl full pain, yearning something to numb it. I have nothing else to say except that I wish the best for you and I will always love you

Best Wishes
TreNyce Amaya Lanee' Price