The Losing One || Sirius Black

13. Behind Closed Doors

That's when Sirius realized he was actually shaking. He tried to calm himself down a bit more, before trying his best to give James a reassuring answer, "Yeah, I... I think so... sorry. Sorry for waking you.", he managed to respond.

James huffed at his words, "Don't be an idiot. I know you said that you would go back to the dorm, but, when we arrived, Peter and I just assumed that you were tired, I didn't know that you weren't feeling good as well.", now there was some disappointment in his voice, like he was mad at himself for not noticing that not everything was perfect with Sirius. James fixed his glasses, "We brought you some dinner if you're feeling hungry."

Sirius didn't know what to say to that, so he just stayed quiet, looking in front of him into nothingness. He was mad at himself for waking James up, for worrying him.

The silence was broken once more, "Do you want to talk about it?", James had a kind look on his face.

Did he want to talk about it? Maybe talk was all he needed. He never really gave it a try with anyone except uncle Alphard, but whenever he did talk to Alphard, he felt better.

Still a bit unsure, Sirius just nodded, "Yeah, I... I think so."

James immediately saw his uncertainty, "Do you maybe want me to ask you questions? Would that be easier for you?"

Sirius tried not to show how grateful he was for this offer, "Yeah, I think that would be good."

The two boys got comfortable on Sirius's bed, both laying on their backs and looking at the bed canopy. The first question came short after.

"What was your nightmare about?"

Does this family's reputation mean nothing to you! He tried not to flinch at the thought of the dream he just had, "My family."

There wasn't even a slight change to James' voice, which Sirius was thankful for, "Are they nice?"

Who in their right mind would want to be friends with you! You selfish, useless, little traitor! Sirius swallowed thickly, "Not really."

Again, James kept his voice steady, "Do you like them?"

Do you have any idea how valuable those books are?! They date back centuries, you disgrace of a child! There was another gulp, "Not really, except Reg.", he had already told the boys all about his little brother.

"Are they awful to you?"

His back and arms started to tingle, "A bit."

Then came the question he wanted to avoid the most, "Are you scared of them?"

Sirius didn't respond. There was silence before James broke it once again, "It's not something to be ashamed of. I mean, being scared."

"You're not scared.", Sirius said without really thinking, but the boy had an immediate answer, "Yeah, I am. Not from my family, but I am scared of some things. Ironically, I'm scared of snakes."

There was now a small smile tugging on the corners of Sirius' lips, "Really? James Potter, the Gryffindor, is scared of little snakes?", he mocked.

James punched him playfully in the arm, "Hey, they don't have to be little.", he defended and they both laughed quietly. There was silence again, but that small confession from his friend made Sirius want to be the one to break it this time, "I guess I am... a bit", he finally said referring to the previous question.

Now James was quiet for a while, probably thinking about what to say. Sirius could tell that he was searching for the right words.

James' voice was unnaturally quiet for such loud boy, "Do they hurt you?"