Then and now

Chapter 8: Amira's POV

I even laughed a couple of times tonight. 

He always laughed when I did, the sound of our real, genuine joy mixing together. 

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"Amira! Are you a fucking idiot?" He yells at me and tears fall out of my eyes like a waterfall. 

"I didn't do anything Logan!" I am trying to keep my composure but that is difficult as his huge frame towers over me. It's like he's trying to scare me. 

"Didn't do anything? How dare you." 

He steps closer just as I take one step back. My breathing quickens and I make a note of not looking him in the eye, knowing that it will only make his anger worse. 

"You wore that just to make me mad. Didn't you?" I bite my lip. I actually only wore this because it is boiling out, and my usual oversized shirt would have me sweating. 

"You're such a slut," I flinch at his cruel words. 

He grabs my forearm and fear rushes through my veins as his arm swings back with an open palm showing. 

His hand is about to come down on my cheek, and I wince- getting ready for the impact. 

I jump and try to even my breathing as I awake from my dream. I put a hand on my heart and press my hand to my cheek, bringing it down to check for blood. 

I am relieved but confused when I see the absence of blood on my fingers.   

Whenever I have nightmares, it takes me a couple of minutes to come back to earth. The other night I screamed and ran to the bathroom, on the edge of a panic attack. 

I've been trying to wake myself up from these dreams recently. It is just so hard to convince myself that what I am experiencing isn't actually happening, because most of my nightmares are just flashbacks. 

It's hard to move on and forget when the memories just get me in my sleep. I can't escape it. 

"Amira? Are you okay?" Asher sits up and touches my arm, but I recoil back. It is hard to tell at first that it is him, as it is still dark. His face looks confused and concerned at my sudden reaction. 

"Yes. I'm fine." 

I cross my arms and smooth down my hair, feeling awkward. He looks at me like he knows that I am lying, but he seems to drop it. 

"I guess we fell asleep. Do you want to head back?" He checks his phone, "Its 5:30AM. My parents would probably be getting worried if they found out I was here this late," Asher stands up from the ground and wipes the dirt from his pants. 

I'm wide awake despite only just waking up from the stone-cold fear still settling in my blood. 

We begin the walk back through the bush. I can practically feel his unspoken questions radiating off him. I don't think I will ever tell him about my past. It's not like he would ever want to get close enough to me for me to feel comfortable telling him. Even if he did, he would quickly change his mind when he realises the amount of emotional baggage I carry with me every day.

It's easier to keep him at arms length. Tonight was nice, but I could feel myself wanting to reveal or say something I shouldn't have. That's dangerous. 

I am in front, leading us on the track. It is difficult to see the ground so I pray that I have enough co-ordination to not trip and fall- especially in front of Asher. 

I must have jinxed it, because just as we are on a particularly rocky and dangerous part of the walk my feet get caught under something and I trip. If I were to fall, I would hit face first on the sharp rocks and I would probably end up doing some serious damage. 

Just as I begin to realise what is happening, a warm arm wraps around my waist and stabilises me. I look back at my knight in shining armour and see Ashers worried face. Even in the dawn, I can see that his eyes are wide and his pupils almost covering his whole iris. 

He hasn't let go of his firm grip around my torso, and the touch alone is giving me a feeling I haven't felt in a while. 

We make eye contact and the feeling in my stomach intensifies. His eyes look so beautiful. I almost struggle to look away. After a solid 20 seconds of staring into each others eyes, he clears his throat and takes his arm from my waist. 

"You alright?" I go red, the embarrassment hitting me like a train. 

"Yeah. Thanks."  I take a deep breath and we continue walking like nothing happened. I wonder if he felt butterflies too, even if that wasn't the most important thing in that moment. 

The feeling makes me nervous. It contradicts everything I have thought about him getting too close. That is one step closer, a step I cannot afford to have him make. 

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A/N

Longer chapter, 1582 words! This was fun to write ngl. I hope you are enjoying this book. I feel like a lot happens in this chapter, so I hope you enjoyed it. I added some more tension between our two love birds, and expanded on some of Amira's trauma ;)