January 14, 2089
saw the moon at night only once before. that big white circle is sad outside my window. i am sad...thought I had no sadness left.
January 15, 2089
hey moon! we stomped on you. you hung out up there a billion years. watched us crawl out of the water. you saw us bloom like mold on a cracker. we came and kicked your dust. you saw what happened back then. before i was born. you know we will never touch you again. but do you understand? how could you. no viruses up in that cold track where you run.
some say this is a beautiful planet. it's ugly. i am ugly. what they did to me was ugly. the virus. accidental escape from a military lab. but I was no fucking accident. you know moon, we breathe air down here. that virus got in the air from a lab in a rogue country. they wanted to exterminate sworn enemies. targeted at an ethnic group. instead it killed everyone everywhere under thirty and sterilized the rest. except...except...yeah.
January 16, 2089
me again moon. quit that fucking smiling! i got no friends and i'm not going to start with you. you are a good listener. so after fifty years nobody is left less than eighty years old. well see that's not quite true. my kind always thought they were smart but they couldn't break that virus. not that one. the madness decades. the plagues. the wars. they bungled everything.
no new babies. think about it moon, after a billion years of babies. something inside the business suits and the bathing suits gets butt-fucking upset if there aren't anymore babies. so they made me . . . or my parents anyway. whirred up something in their labs. inside plastic rooms sealed against the viruses. with the wars and anarchy and whatnot they only got one shot. so that's it moon, that's where mommy and daddy came from. that's where they lived their lives through the chaos time. i was born normally...if you want to call it that. born a prisoner from the start. my life until thirteen. prisoner in a couple of fucking little plastic rooms.
February 20, 2089
what i've missed...doesn't matter. doesn't matter! never had ice cream. the generals were not obliging. they enjoyed us in our plastic house. guess it spiced their lives. gave them dinnertime conversation. they were pleased to see us suffer. i saw it in their faces. a housefly has a better life than we had until you pick its wings off and squash it flat. every time mommy had to strip for the testing they were getting hard no doubt. i'm glad I broke out...glad i killed some of those bastards before they put me away. and offed a few more afterwards.
i was a freak. am a freak. no siblings...a blessing. their frozen cum stopped working & i was all that was left. i was big for thirteen. puberty. next they'd have had me try with my mother. maybe that's what pushed her over. when I broke out I got infected like everybody else. i'm guessing what sex with a woman would be like. irony if that's the word. finally released...prime of life...& every damn woman left is at least eighty years old. fuck.
i had pets as a kid. did you? who the hell are you anyway? let me guess. you have possessions & amenities & leisure time & you've conquered the earth just like they did. you have evolved from chimpanzees or those bonobos. a few million years after my miserable flesh has rotted. you found this sick little diary in the clever hiding place I have yet to devise. don't think i'm like others of my kind. i share the genes and that's all. i was made by them but do not accept membership in the race. no one gave a damn about me except as a fucking sperm sack and no one gives a damn about you either. think about it.
my pets were maggots. what are yours? there was a housefly in the isolation unit that survived preparations. when it was found out it was too late for correction. sealed. but the insect did not carry the virus: child leonard was born shortly after mommy and daddy reached puberty. maggots and flies were the only other living things in our quarters. you might think i mistreated them but i didn't until the only people i'd ever touched decided life was crap. then i pulled the wings off the flies and spiked the maggots with pins.
