Element [The Darkling]

Chapter Twenty-Five

I stared out at the sea, listening to the gentle waves crashing against the hull of the ship. I inhaled deeply, smelling the salty air, closing my eyes and basking in the night sky.

I felt calmer. The rage that had steadily grown in me while I lashed out at Kirigan was starting to fade away. My heart had been racing, but it was starting to slow down, returning to normal.

Those words, that anger... that had been boiling under the surface for quite some time. I'd bottled it up and hidden it, denied it was there, but it felt really good to say that to his face. Even if he wasn't real.

I sensed someone come next to me, and glanced to my left, taking in Tolya's figure. I could barely see him from the waning light of the half moon, and the distant flickering firelight that came from a lantern secured on the mast.

He mimicked me, resting his forearms on the railing, staring out at the ocean. I observed him for a long moment.

"Do you have an amplifier, Tolya?" I asked, breaking the silence. He turned slowly to look at me, his hazel eyes meeting mine. He shook his head. I nodded. "You're lucky." I remarked.

"You don't appreciate the Stag?" Tolya asked, incredulous and confused.

I sighed heavily, closing my eyes, picturing the beautiful creature. "It was so beautiful." I breathed, and I felt his stare on me. "In the few moments I spent with it, I loved it." I whispered. "I wanted it to live. I didn't want to hurt it. Aleks- the darkling, he killed it before my eyes." My eyes burned with tears as I opened them, staring out at the night sky. "Severed its head with the Cut, after having his soldiers shoot it. It was in so much pain. Scared. It looked at me, but it was looking right through me." I added, my voice breaking.

I glanced at him, seeing the concern in his eyes. "He had his Durast fashion an amplifier out of the antlers. He made it into a collar." Tolya's eyes widened as I touched my neck. I wiped away a traitorous tear, sniffling. "The stag chose me. But every time I use my powers, I feel the collar." I admitted, choking up. "I feel the pain when I tried to dig it out, to save everyone. I feel like a slave again."

I stared out at the sea, the truth finally out there, spoken into the world, and felt a bit of the weight I carried lift from my chest. I heard footsteps behind us, and saw Strumhond join us, standing on Tolya's other side.

"Tearing down the Fold won't change much," I said solemnly, my tone taking a desolate turn. Both men watched me as I stared at the ocean. "There's still Ravka's biggest threat. It's royals. The ones who lead the witch hunt, every time. I wish they were dead. The King, the Queen, that bastard Vasily." I hissed, anger pumping through my veins as I thought of the man who turned the First Army on Grisha.

"Even Nikolai? The second son?" Tolya asked, and I sent him a confused look.

"I don't know him. But he's probably just like his family." I admitted.