January 12, 2076
released! my rage boils again after ten years in solitary. the lights went out tonight. i walked through the door...no guards! the sound...i had heard it so many times when it was my turn to exercise alone. metallic. click. door lock opened. but this time no guards!
i went back in my cell and raised the old chair and slammed it on the floor. a leg broke off. i clutched it...my only weapon. edged around the door frame. into the dark hallway. that was the early clue, the lights had gone out. stayed outside my cell. my room no more. rats ran from my feet. this was different and the rats knew it.
down the hallway hugging the wall. at the end the dirty steel bars. now the barred-door was ajar. pushed it with the chair leg. kicked it and it swung all the way and bounced back. kicked it again. and again. and again. squeaking and clanging metal echoed down the larger hall ahead. i ran down it. where are you fuckers! where are you mother-fucking sons of evil fucking bitches!
old wally had not lied. he said the prison was shutting down. what the fuck, i had said. what the fuck! we're all old, wally had said. we're all tired. i'm sorry, wally had said. the whole world is tired so we're going home. what the fuck!
wally left the door locked. he knew i was mad as hell, had been for ten years. he knew i'd strangle him first chance even though we'd been...no. not friends. but he was true to his words. had said he'd set the system to unlock the doors when he left. he'd be the last one. he'd turn out the lights.
i yelled as loud as i could. down more hallways. up metal stairs. cracking chicken wire windows with the leg. i'd still have killed old wally if i'd found him. wasn't his fault. but he was one of them. fucker! smashed all i could in the control room. grabbed a microphone. yelled into it. fuckers! just my voice echoed in the empty room.
would have looked up addresses of wally and the other jailer fuckers. find them and kill them. fuck! no electricity so no way to look anything up. i smashed whatever i found on the way out. made my way down the dusty street to the tiny town. never looked back at my old home. town mostly deserted. smashed in a door. my new home.
January 13, 2076
this cracking plaster is as good a friend as i've known. doesn't complain when i slam my fist into it. knows when to be quiet. that morning--how long ago now. i...mother & father hanging from belts. faces blue. fat tongues & shit on the floor. lenny, the note said. this is not living. i was thirteen. god the rage. i hardly see this paper. thin line of ink...keeps my thoughts narrow. why write......?...? kill the pain..? for my parents? maybe. excuse what i did? no! no excuses. they had it coming. possibly i write for future history. for a new species that will replace mine. my species has no excuse either. and no hope. fuckers.
hard to even get a candy bar at the store down on the street...i just think of killing again. clerk took one look at me and said take what you need. not had a friendly touch since my parents. i may kill again. i don't know. the anger is less now i'm out. just a little less. it doesn't matter much anyway. that's why they let me go. and because there are so few jailers left.
i sleep on the floor. like in my cell. i don't deserve comfort. nobody does. killing old fuckers will not make it right. what they did to my parents. did to me. i still think revenge. dream revenge. but they're all going to die soon anyway. me too. but not so soon.
