A Firm Hand (Barney Miller fic)

Wojo

(AN: from season 5 episode 23, "Graveyard Shift," 1979. Wojciehowicz is pronounced "wo-jo-ho-its." The first several lines of dialogue, up to and including, "Oh please!" are actual quotes from the episode.)

"2:10am and we're still here." Detective Ron Harris leaned back in his desk chair and narrated into his tape recorder, "General panic has so far been averted, but a grim silence has settled over the precinct."

"You wanna can it?" Detective Stan Wojciehowicz barked from his own desk across the room. "I'm trying to concentrate."

"Oh, so sorry. I'd forgotten what a chore that is for you."

The two detectives had been at odds with each other most of the night, after Harris had tried to record Wojo on his new tape recorder. Wojo had refused angrily, which in turn had angered Harris.

"Try forgettin' the witty remarks."

Harris wouldn't back down, "I don't think I can."

'I ain't asking ya, Harris, I'm telling ya." Wojo ground out, trying to hold onto the last vestiges of his temper.

Harris stood up from his desk and held up the tape recorder tauntingly, "You wanna tell me that again?"

Wojo shot to his feet, his chair scraping the floor noisily, "You wanna step outside?"

"I wouldn't mind." said Detective Arthur Dietrich, who had been watching the exchange in uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, please!" snapped Harris, forever tired of Dietrich's quips. He turned his attention back to Wojo and came out from behind his desk, "Are you threatening an officer of the law?" He waggled the tape recorder across the distance that still separated them.

"I told you, get that thing outta my face!" Wojo advanced towards Harris, who didn't back down despite the fact that Wojo's shoulders were nearly twice as wide as his.

"Why are you so scared of a little bitty tape recorder? Are you afraid of technology? Afraid of the scary magic talking box--"

Wojo cut him short with one sweep of his arm, simultaneously pushing Harris backwards and knocking the tape recorder out of his hand. The device clattered to the floor, scattering bits of plastic everywhere.

Harris was so outraged he didn't even know what to address first. "Did you just push me and break my new tape recorder? You'll have to pay for that!" He was referring to monetary payment, but Wojo took it to mean a fight.

"Oh yeah?" He pushed Harris back another step, "Bring it on, pretty boy."

Enraged, Harris did the only thing he could think of. He punched Wojo in the face.

Wojo stumbled back a step, stunned, then with a roar, tackled Harris to the ground.

They rolled on the ground, until suddenly, both men were pulled apart and up onto their feet, where they met the scowling face of one very angry Captain Barney Miller.

"You two! Both of you! I'm ashamed of you. Fighting each other? In the squadroom? Over what, a piece of plastic?"

The detectives both started talking over each other at loud volumes, trying to explain their side and blame the other person.

"Enough!" Barney shouted. "Sit at your desks, both of you. And not a sound from either of you! Dietrich, may I see you in my office, please."

The two men sulked back to their desks while Dietrich followed Barney into the Captain's office, where the door was closed behind them.