False God - Derek Shepherd

DENY, DENY, DENY

"Yes, for 21 years. Just tell me how he is."

"Fine, for a man who says he shot himself." Alex said

"He shot himself! He was cleaning his gun. What is wrong with you people?"
What's wrong with us? Alex and I share a look

"We'll know everything when we finish his CT. This is a restricted area, ma'am. You have to ..." I started but the woman cut me off.

"No! My husband has a b*llet in his head!"

"Then we'll find it. If you could wait outside I'll be with you soon as we know something, I promise." I tried to calm her down while Alex escorted her out.

*

I met with Meredith and Cristina in the abandoned hallway.

"Skylar. What kind of name is Skylar?" Meredith complained. "That's a whore name."

"Is that your ex boyfriend's baby mama?" I said and Mere glared at me.

"That's odd." Cristina said

"Odd that I think she's a whore?"

"No, you have every right to think she is a whore. I mean she did sleep with a guy that wasn't available and got pregnant, and yeah what kind of name is Skylar? What's odd is Burke's patient. She's been in 4 other hospitals this year. You know something's not right."

"You seem awfully interested in Burke's patient." I told her. "And does that make me a whore?"

"This has nothing to do with Burke. A little, but we are all whores for sleeping with our bosses."

"Sure it doesn't and fair point." I said.

"Cristina you lost a fallopian tube, a baby and a boyfriend all in one day. You have the right to be upset." Meredith added.

"And you're losing Mc Hottie to a whore named Skylar. And Tara lost Mc Dreamy to his perfect wife."

"Technically I did not lose Mc Dreamy. I dumped him, remember?"

"And I'm not upset." Cristina countered.

"You really should be in your room." Meredith said.

"Ok, if the situation was reversed, would you wanna spend time with your mother in a confined room with one window?"

"Well if it's any consolation I've never met my mother."

"You know I'd say that it is but knowing how your life was I'd say not really."
Cristina said as I shrugged.

"Do you think we're like them? Our mothers?" Mere asked Cristina, who gives her a look.

*

"Where are we?" Derek asked looking over the patient.

"OR. 2 in 30 minutes. He's prepped, transport's on the way." I told him. I the we heard Mr. linden fighting with his wife.

"Do you understand that? 21 years!" The woman whisper-yelled.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm sorry. I love you, I forgive you." Her husband replied.

"You cheated on me! You cheated on me! And you do not get to play the martyr here!"

"I've got a bullet in my head!"

"And that doesn't make us even!"

"You shot me!"

Derek looked at me. "I'll call the police." I said before he could instruct me to do it.

*

"This is one sick bastard. We should flip him over, and give him a spine." Alex said

"Hold back on the retractor, Dr. Parks. Little suction Dr. Karev."

"Covering for his wife after she shot him?" Alex continued.

"He did cheat on her." Derek argued.

"And that guilt's worth a bullet in the head?" Alex disagreed

"Relationships are built on sacrifice."

"Not that kind of sacrifice."

"Hmm, I don't know. Sometimes a bullet's worth it." Derek said looking at me.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.

"Yeah sometimes the bullet is worth it. But in the head?" I told them, and I could feel Derek's eyes on me, but I didn't dare look up.

*

I was paged to Cristina's room. "Somebody sedate me!" I heard her yelling. I entered the room and saw Meredith, Izzy and George staring at Cristina.

I approached her but George held me back. "That makes it worse." I ignored him and hugged Cristina from behind, she tried to resist me but soon she allowed herself to cry.

Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial ... and face the world head on gun's blazing.

"It's okay, let it out, let it all out."

After Cristina calmed down I met with Alex. "Hey how was you meeting with the chief?"

"I failed my medical boards." He said.

"What?"

"I have to retake them, or I'll be kicked out."

"Don't worry you'll pass, I'm gonna help you."

Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean.

*

I thought of myself as a strong person but with each passing day I can feel myself getting weaker, more broken. When I got to my room I expected to see a red tulip like every other day. But this was not the case.

On top of my bed I found a small package and a letter which said: we'll be together soon Isabella.

My heart beating so fast it felt like it would jump out of my chest. After a few minutes where I was frozen unable to move or think I opened the package. It was an old photo a redheaded girl and a blond boy, on the back there were two inscriptions, one I knew was old, written when the photo was taken: Isabella and Marcus.

But the second inscription was new: so you remember how happy I made you.

I tear slid down my cheek, he never made me happy, I was afraid of him, terrified. And now he was back... no matter everything I did to escape... he was back

So how do you keep from drowning in it?