No Strings Attached

Chapter 13

He heard a door close and after a few more seconds Zee was lying him on a bed. He immediately moved away from his boyfriend.

"Nunew!" Zee embrace him from the back and buried his chin on his shoulder.

He felt Zee's warmth engulfing him but unlike before, it didn't manage to make his cold inside warm. Zee couldn't do it, Nunew realized that now. No one could. He was the only one who could make it go away.

"I couldn't tell you about Kimmy because I was ashamed of it." He felt Zee's hold tightens and was actually trembling. "She's the illegitimate daughter of my father's business partner. She's the daughter of the man who killed my father."

His sobs too loud for a very quiet room.

"My father died of heart attack, Nhu. But in reality, he died because the person he trusted so much betrayed him."

Zee pressed his body even closer to his. His boyfriend engulf him as if wanting to steal the heat from his body, his strength and for the first time he saw him weak.

"My Dad is friends with Prin Suparat since they were teenagers. They were like brothers. They were partners in everything. My father was an IT expert. He was the brain and heart of Panich and Prin, Co. Prin Suparat handles the administrative management. But my Dad is the brainpower of all their projects. It was my Dad's company, it was his heart and soul. But they took it away from him."

He almost couldn't breath, he was scared to distract Zee.

"They deceive my father, telling him that the company is on the brink of bankrupcy due to losses in a major project. They convince my father to sell his shares in order to raise new capital. My father did what they told him to do because he trust them. Why wouldn't he? He knew Prin Suparat for so long, there was no reason not to trust the bastard. Everything went downhill after that. My Dad fired from his position and was force to be ousted in the company that he spent almost all his life incorporating. He loved that company. It was his. Even the seats that the employees are using are designed by him. It was fucking his. He couldn't take it. Who could? He died of heart attack the very same day they kicked him out."

"Zee..." He was trembling as he tries to face Zee but the latter was holding him tightly, preventing him to look at his handsome face.

"Don't. I can't~~~~"

"No." He tried to face Zee again.

Zee was crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He was trembling as he hold Zee's small handsome face and the latter can't help but close his eyes.

"I can't forgive him, Nhu. Kimmy, she was the only child of Suparat. She's illegitimate and she didn't grow up with her father, so I never met her until we were older. I used her, Nhu. I used her to hurt Prin Suparat. I broke her. I broke her family. I broke them the way they broke me and my father. I didn't stop until they bled as much as I did."

"Zee..." Zee's tears keep on falling. He wipe Zee's tears but it was replace again with new one.

"I'm the reason behind her family's bankrupcy. I'm the reason her mother died because they couldn't afford the expensive cancer treatment anymore. I... did that, Nhu. And I savored every fucking minute of it."

"Zee.... Hia." He cried while holding his crying boyfriend.

"I couldn't tell you about her. I couldn't tell you about what I did. How could I? All your life, you've been trying to forgive the people who hurt you; all your life, all you ever did was love the people who do nothing but hurt you back. All your life, all you ever did was try to make other people feel better. How could I fucking tell you what I monster I am?"

Nunew shook his head and hold Zee even tighter. "You're not a monster, Hia. You were hurt and it's only natural to hurt people who hurt you."

Zee smiled and shook his head. "Don't try to make me feel better about what I did. Ara, she's Kimmy's bestfriend. I convinced her to help me to make Kimmy trust me. I knew Ara has feelings for me and I used that, Teerak. I used everything I could without remorse. I hurt so many people, just so I could hurt those who hurt me. I didn't care about other people's feelings eventhough they were innocent."

He was trembling as he tried to make Zee get away from his shoulder so he could stare at his dark, almond shape eyes. His dark eyes were bottomless pit as if all light was sucked out of them.

"I'm not as good as you think I am, Hia. Harit is right, I do love attention. I want people to adore me, it's not always my intention to help. I do it because I want to feel needed. I want to feel that I belong. I want to~~~"

"Does it matter?" Zee's eyes still full of pain. "In the end, all your actions still help other people. Maybe it really doesn't matter if you have selfish intention mixed into it. Who doesn't?"

Nunew starts crying again but his boyfriend kiss both of his eyes to wipe it. He hold both of Zee's cheeks.

"You went out to see Kimmy last Saturday. Why?"

Zee wipe his own tears and huskily talk again. "I was trying to help her family get back on their feet. I couldn't change what I did. I couldn't bring back her mother. I couldn't undo the pain she felt because of me. But at least, I could help them regain some financial security. It was weak and pathetically insufficient, but it was the only thing I can do."

Nunew also kissed Zee's tears away. "So that's the reason why you are talking to her again while ago?"

Zee nods.

"You're not a monster, Hia. Or maybe you were, but you're trying to change. Maybe that's what really matters."

Zee embrace him again and he felt his boyfriend starts to cry again. "I want to think so, too, Baby. I want to believe that I can change myself. I want to believe I can get over the evil things that I've done. I want to believe that I can still somehow repair those things that I've broken. I want to believe I can be with someone like you. I want to believe I can be good enough for you. I... need to be good enough for you, because God knows I don't fucking deserve someone like you."

Nunew let his tears to flow from his beautiful eyes.

"Oh Hia... Do you really think we can do this?"

"We can baby and we will. We just have to work on it. We can do this, Teerak. Just keep your faith in me. In us."

"Ara really loves you; she may never be able to truly let go of you."

Zee cupped his cheeks to see his beautiful does eyes. "I couldn't cut her off because of how much she'd helped me. She had been a friend before anything else, she still is. And I know I hurt her, too, Nhu."

"I said many awful things to her some minutes ago."

Zee gently kissed his forehead. "You did?"

"Yes. I don't know if we'll be able to tolerate each other. Ever."

Zee nods. "I'll try to distance myself from her from now on. I should've done this long ago. I am hurting her more with what I'm doing. She will never get over me if I keep on letting her stick to me."

Nunew embrace Zee and buried his face on his boyfriend's mascular chest. "I think I love you, Nhu."

Nunew cried again. "I think I love you, too, Hia."

"Hia? I like it. Say it again?"

"Hiaaaa..." Zee starts to claim his lips again.

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Note: Fuhhh...that was another long chapter & emotional rollercoaster😂 I apologized for any spelling mistaken or weird wording. I am trying to edit as much as i can to make it perfect. And this chapter never fail making me sobbing whenever i go thru during editing🥲

See you guys in the Last Chapter!