Out of Bounds [h.s. au]

Chapter 10

"I was really upset and heartbroken over Mark. He was my first. I thought I was in love with him and he with me. I ended up going to this other bar just to drink myself into an oblivion. The bartender there was really kind to me. He knew when I'd had too much and couldn't drive home. He'd give me a coffee and call me a cab. This one time some guy was hitting on me, and I told him I wasn't interested. He wouldn't leave me alone, so the bartender had him thrown out."

"Sounds like a stand up guy," said Harry.

"It was James."

It took a second before Harry opened his mouth, but when he did, all that came out was, "Oh."

"He was working as a bartender while going to school for his Master's degree. At first there wasn't really anything going on between us. Like I said, he was kind to me. He could tell I was distraught. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it, but I told him I didn't. He said that was fine, but if and when I was ready, he was all ears.

A few days later I ended up telling him the story of Mark. He said that Mark didn't deserve me. And that I didn't need to waste any more time crying and drinking over him. When I'd come into the bar, he'd limit me to two drinks, then just one. After a couple weeks or so, I realized I was no longer going to the bar to drink. I was going to see James. I enjoyed his company, he made me feel safe. I'd sit and drink Coke or a coffee while he told me stories about some of the weird customers he'd had, or something going on at school. My own grades had gone to shit because I'd quit going to class altogether. I knew I was going to get kicked out of my dorm, and I was starting to get scared, even though I hadn't really been living there much when I was with Mark because I was always crashing at his place."

"Where was Justine during all this?" Harry asked.

"That's another thing," I sighed. "At first she was happy for me that I'd met Mark. But I ended up spending all my time with him, that she and I sort of drifted apart. I felt ashamed about it afterwards, but I was scared to call her."

"I bet she would have understood."

"I know that now," I nodded. "Anyway, I explained my situation to James and he invited me to stay with him for a while. Eventually I got a job through a temp agency, but until then I cleaned his apartment while he was at school and cooked dinner to show my gratitude."

I stopped for a moment, looking down at my hands again. "I don't really need to go into the details after this," I muttered. "You can probably guess."

"You fell in love?" Harry asked.

"Not at first," I countered. "At least not me. To be honest, I wasn't even attracted to him. But over time I grew very...fond of him."

The look on Harry's face was puzzling, and I wasn't sure how to read him. So I continued.

"He told me I could stay as long as I needed to. I slept on his couch for months. He never even made a move."

"Until..." Harry coaxed.

"Until one night after we finished watching a movie. He started kissing me and I let him. He told me I didn't have to sleep on the couch, I could join him in the bed."

Harry groaned. "You're right, I don't want to know the details."

"I didn't sleep with him that night," I explained. "I told him I couldn't, I wasn't ready. He said he would wait until I was."

"Tisa, you can stop there," said Harry. "I think I understand."

"Understand what?"

"This man, your husband...he's like your hero. He saved you from all your hurt and pain. He said and did all the right things. That's why you love him."