broken rules

𝐟𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐨

We let out a collective sigh of defeat as we sat at an empty table on the ferry. How were we so close to everything only to gain nothing? JJ dozed off with his head on his arms only a few minutes into the ride while I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes, planning the day ahead of me like I was actually going to do anything besides shower and sleep. School would have to wait. 

The horn blew a little while later, letting us know we were nearing the island. I nudged JJ's arm as I stood up to walk over to the railing. Seeing Kildare from the ferry never got old. As the island grew closer, JJ stepped up to the spot next to me. We didn't speak, but the comfortable silence said enough for me. Right now, we were okay and that's all I could ask for.

Once we were off the ferry, Topper rushed to get away from us while Liam hung back a bit to say goodbye before following behind Topper. As much as I appreciated him helping us and trying to keep me calm when I thought JJ had slid to his death on the overpass, I knew I wouldn't see Liam again unless one of us made the effort. In all honesty, I'm pretty content with where me and JJ are currently and I don't want to risk anything making us go back to our fight from the other night. I don't want to risk him thinking he's unlovable because it nearly broke me to hear him say that about himself. If anything, I love him more than I love myself most of the time. Especially when they were all gone. That boy was all I lived and breathed for. The chance to see him again, to hug him, to see his goofy smile. Just the chance be around him. 

No one spoke on the walk home. We kicked the occasional rock between us but defeat still lingered in the air making everyone silent. We started splitting off when we got closer to our houses. Kiara was the first one to leave as we came up to her street. Then it was Pope and Cleo, leaving me, JJ, and Sarah. They had been staying at the chateau in hopes John B would show back up soon. He'd been gone for days and there had been no kind of communication to let us know he was doing okay. 

"See you guys in a little while?" I asked as they turned to go down the chateau's driveway. They both nodded and threw me a thumbs up as I continued down the road toward my house. There was a little commotion before I heard jogging to catch up to me. JJ slowed down as he reached my side. 

"Mind if I crash with you?" He asked as we continued the short walk to my house. I nodded, not having anything to really say. 

"You get the floor." I playfully bumped his shoulder as I opened the front door. I could hear my brother moving about in the kitchen and began to dread the fatherly conversation he was going to have with me. Unfortunately for me, he had taken over the strict conversations that my dad rarely ever gave, even before the cancer. That didn't matter though. Dylan believed it was his turn to step up. 

"School. Tomorrow." Was all he said as he rushed out the door to work. JJ chuckled as he swung my bedroom door open. 

"Blanket?" he asked as he looked at the spot on the floor next to me. 

I raised a brow at him, "No shower?" I raised my fingers to pinch my nose closed. "It's not like it would hurt." 

He rolled his eyes and walked over to me, jokingly sniffing the air around me and covering his nose as well. "Maybe you should too." 

My breath caught in my throat as I looked up to him and realized how close we actually were. The smell of sweat completely gone as all I worried about was him being close enough for me to see the small freckles that doted across his nose. Then his hand was back on my waist like it had been only a few hours ago and I had to take a step back. 

"I'm gonna go shower." I said pointing over my shoulder before moving to awkwardly gather my clothes to get a shower. I turned on the water before allowing myself the time to stare maniacally in the mirror at how idiotic I just made myself look. We were so close, inches apart, and I just... stepped back? We've had the worst 2 days and I just took a step back? Good one.